Jaci Dawn

Four years ago I started this blog.

That’s it, nothing else. At least nothing else on that subject.

Yesterday I learned that my 19 year old cousin died. Kersten was my first cousin once removed (the child of my first cousin). I don’t know the details, only that 19 is far too young to die. Just two years ago we were shocked by the news that my husband’s nephew, then 19, died. Don’s family lives much closer than my extended family and we were able to make it to the funeral. I won’t make it to Kersten’s funeral which is in Wisconsin. But my heart will be there with my cousin, Tori, and her remaining children.

On the heels of that news came a little package in the mail: a photograph of my great-great grandfather William Orson Wilcox. It is a stunning photo in the sense of family resemblance. I see my great grandfather’s face in the photo and my father’s face. I see my face.

And that is it for tonight.

ttfn

“As if” a kidney stone was good news, right?

No, silly – that is not a kidney stone! That’s a little bead next to a tape measure and a penny for comparison. But the bead is about the size of said kidney stone: 5mm.

I’m irked and relieved.

Irked, you say? How could I be irked? It’s not freaking cancer, for crying out loud! And you would be right (little happy dance behind the scenes). I’m just irked that I spent three and a half months in limbo land bouncing between “No, it can’t be a kidney stone” and “It might be a kidney stone” to “The kidney stone is most likely not the cause” and, finally, to “The kidney stone is the only thing we can find so it must be the cause.”

But being irked is a minor thing. I am quietly (because I really don’t jump up and down and squeal when I am excited) relieved and happy.

At least I am happy until that little puppy decides to slip a little and I finally get to feel its presence. Then I won’t be happy.

But until then, I have all the reason in the world to be in bliss.

How did we arrive at this diagnosis? Well, today was the last ditch test to find out why I am peeing blood: the doctor actually looked inside my bladder with a little camera. He was looking for lesions, cancerous growths, anything that would produce the almost-visible-to-the-naked-eye blood. Before today’s procedure, I had my internal organs scanned in a C-T Scan and scanned again with an ultrasound machine.

All those tests proved was that I have polyps in my gallbladder (not a probable cause of bleeding but something to check on again in 12 months) and I have a 5mm kidney stone high up in my kidney. It’s a smooth round stone. I saw it on the ultrasound.

I am a very healthy woman with a bizarre issue that can only be traced back to that irksome kidney stone.

While we’re all doing our virtual happy dance, there’s the future to consider: do I ask the doctor to blast the kidney stone out now? Or do I take a wait-and-see attitude with a follow-up x-ray in 6 months? If I start bleeding more or I suddenly have pain (as in the kidney stone moves), I could call & have the doctor blast it out as an emergency procedure.

I’m leaning toward the wait-and-see. It’s just an x-ray (they can see kidney stones on x-rays because they’re made up of calcium) and I will have time to build up my sick time (which I have exhausted). The dust will have settled from all the current insurance claims. I’ll have some pennies saved.

God always has a plan. Over the past week as the time for today’s cystoscopy appointment drew near, God quickened my heart and reminded me of several passages in the Bible that I could apply to my emotions. From the first chapter of the book of Joshua (“Be strong and courageous” – God says that several times to encourage Joshua in what he is about to face as a major trial) to several of the Psalms (27, 23, 25, 149 – just off the top of my head) and on into Matthew 6 (Don’t worry about tomorrow because you can’t change tomorrow. Deal with today), little reminders of His provision popped into my head.

I never really doubted that God was walking by my side through this whole (stupid cry wolf) scary time. Nor have I doubted my friendships: I have wonderful friends & family!! I did doubt my body, but bodies have a way of failing us.

I hope no one thinks I cried wolf to get people to feel sorry for me. Not on your life: I’d rather you made me laugh and I want to make you smile in return! So smile! SMILE!

Breathe deep, live fully, laugh hard, love with all your might – and keep on planting trees.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” – Martin Luther

Project Feeder Watch is officially over next Friday. I love doing this: you just have to watch your bird feeder for two days in a row every five to ten days apart and keep track of the number and species of bird visitors. I learned about the project from someone on Facebook 3 years ago, but I didn’t participate until the winter of 2009-10. It was so much fun that I decided to do it again this winter.

I’ll continue to watch the birds all summer, I just won’t keep track of how many of each species comes to my feeder until Project Feeder Watch begins again next Fall.

It’s been a frustrating winter: the birds didn’t come to my feeder in huge flocks, but in small doses. Today, the last day, was typical: the most birds of one species that came to the feeder at one time was 4 dark-eyed juncos.

Last winter, I had counts like 17 bushtits or 15 band-tailed pigeons at one time.

This weekend was a good birding day, not because of the huge numbers but because of the large variety of birds that stopped by: 11 different species. And some of them held still long enough for me to get photos. How exciting is that?

One of the four dark-eyed juncos. Usually I have more than four juncos at a time.

I also had 3 English House Sparrows, 2 Chipping Sparrows and 3 House Finches.

This male House Finch was dueling one of the English House Sparrows for a spot on the feeder. The finch eventually won (they are both finches, technically: the English House Sparrow is a Weaver Finch).

The usual birds came by and a new one for the season: black-throated hummingbird. I didn’t get a photo of the elusive hummer: darn!

An American Robin even dropped in.

I had 2 Chestnut-backed Chickadees and 2 Black-capped Chickadees, only 1 bushtit (that’s highly unusual as they fly in large flocks but it is nesting season so it probably has a nearby nest that mama is sitting on. I hope), and one red-breasted nuthatch.

But my favorite for the day was a rare sighting in a feeder.

The Rufous-sided Towhee. I love this bird! He’s colorful and has strange red eyes and a unique “buzzing” call. And this one held still long enough for me to get a decent photo of him.

I take my photos through a picture window and I sometimes wonder what the neighbors must think when they see me with camera or binoculars in hand! I’m just watching birds, not spying on people. I promise.

Remember the goose?

I’ve been mulling over how to fix her.

It was suggested to me that I paint the big “flipper” foot as if it were the ground she is standing on, so that is how I sketched it out. Here’s my preliminary sketches:

Side #1: Blue Snow Goose.

Side #2: Greater White-fronted Goose.

I want to stay with native wild geese even though the cut-out doesn’t really resemble a natural goose.

What’cha think?

I woke up in the fuzzy darkness that exists at 4:oo in the morning. I lay still, trying to fall back into whatever dream I left, but my body needed to get up. Sighing, I obeyed..

A black shadow of a cat rose from where it was sitting in the hallway. It turned and padded silently away, turning right into the kitchen.

I blinked.

I do not like hallucinations at 3:56AM when I am the only being awake in the house.

I laid back down, trying to shake the image off. Don grunted in his sleep and one of the dogs stirred in a kennel. The house was silent. No birds called outside and no rain dripped off the roof onto the ramp outside our bedroom. Silence.

Like a cat that doesn’t want to be heard or seen.

This house is not haunted. If it is haunted, it is a benign haunt. I’ve lived in haunted houses. I’ve lived with a poltergeist in the house. This house is not haunted.

So where did the cat come from? It wasn’t a shadow of Ziggy: he had no tail and this cat had a long tail. It wasn’t Nimrod: he’s still alive & enjoying the fat life at his new home. It moved like Smokey, but Smokey never lived in this house and she’s been gone for years.

I sighed. I got up and went to the bathroom and came back to bed turning no lights on. The house was silent, the night cat was gone: a hallucination left over from REM sleep.

It didn’t frighten me. Unnerved me some, but my heart rate never picked up. I’ve thought about it all day: Shadow Cat moving in the dark recesses, silently padding along the halls of my memories; Night Cat waiting for me to rise and the day to welcome it; Imaginary Cat left over from the Dream World, trapped in the dusk between night and dawn.

I didn’t think this weekend was going to amount to much but sometime this afternoon everything broke loose: animals started visiting the bird feeder and I made some real progress artistically. Now it is nearly nine o’clock in the evening (PDT) and I am feeling like I actually accomplished something this weekend!

I blogged about the artistic developments on my other blog: here, here & here.

The animals get to be featured here.

First, there was the usual squirrelly business going on. I glanced out and saw the native Douglas squirrel was feeding. But, wait…

but wait… There’s something odd about that tail! There’s another squirrel in there and it isn’t the same species as the first!

I decided to try to sneak outside to see if I could get a better photo of the non-native Eastern Fox Squirrel sharing with the Douglas Squirrel.

They both tensed up.

Douglas Squirrel decides he is going to be out of there if I come any closer. The Fox Squirrel has taken notice of me through the glass.

Whoa! Hang on there, Douglas! Fox Squirrel made the first move and flew off of the feeder. He moved so fast the camera couldn’t catch him.

A little spooky at how fast Douglas recovered and made it up into the tree!

All calm now, just waiting for that pesky human to leave me be!

But the drama wasn’t over. After the squirrels left, I finally got some bird visitors.

What was a dry birdwatching weekend was ending with several bird sightings. I stood in the kitchen window and tried to capture as many images as I could with my little lens.

Black-capped Chickadee. We also get the Chestnut-backed Chickadee which is much smaller.

And the red-breasted Nuthatch. I love these birds. Nyet-nyet-nyet! they have the most annoying little bird call but when you hear it in the woods, you know all is well.

And all is well as my day ends well.

A couple weeks ago my husband asked me if I’d like a toolbox. He had just purchased a very nice one from Snap-On Tools but it was a little too large for what he wanted it for (a chain saw & the extras). He didn’t really want to go through the hassle of returning it, so he asked me if I would like it.

Some men buy their wives flowers, candy and jewelry. Mine thinks I would like a toolbox.

The thing is: he was right.

It is too heavy to haul around a lot of places but it is perfect for storing my craft paints for easy access. I’m sure I will fill it all up in short order.

Cool, huh?!

I wrote on my calendar back in February that I needed to have my rain barrel up & operational by the first of March. That didn’t happen, so I thought maybe I could at least get it out by the first day of Spring.

But I didn’t count on a few details, like needing my husband to cut the down-spout to the right height. I could do it, but when you’re messing with a man’s territory it is best to let the man make the adjustments. I know Don would frown on it if I rearranged the water spout and he wasn’t home today. But I did buy some paving stones to put under my barrel, completely forgetting that I needed cinder blocks because it has a spigot on the bottom.

At least the ground is level.

I decided to put out more bird feeders today as well. I filled the goldfinch feeder with Nyger thistle and filled two hummingbird feeders. The weather is starting to warm up and I hope to attract some colorful little birds to the yard.  Did you notice the forsythia is opening up?

I only partially filled this one because I expect the ants will find it before I get too many hummingbirds to come by.

The rest of the day I bird-watched.

Not exactly, but I checked out my window several times in hopes of catching the first migrating goldfinch. I did see some pretty birds and one Douglas Squirrel. I let the squirrel be: he doesn’t compete that much for the bird seed.

In all, this weekend I counted:

2 Western scrub jays

2 Song sparrows

1 Chipping sparrow

2 Black-capped Chickadees

2 Chestnut-backed Chickadees

2 House finches (one male, one female)

2 Northern Crows

and 1 Brown Creeper.