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The Dogs in My Life

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Harvey Albert got a hair cut this weekend. He looks so handsome. This handsome fellow caused me to reflect on the dogs in my life, starting with the very first dogs.

I don’t have a photograph of my mother’s dog, Squeaky. I remember the dog, in that corner of my memory that is more sensory than pictures: he was a nippy little dog and I didn’t like him very much. I vaguely remember being awakened by him nipping on my fingers and toes. He didn’t try to hurt us and our parents thought he was amusing, but i didn’t like him. I think he was a Chihuahua-terrier mix of some sort.

Squeaky died some time after Butchy adopted us.

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Butch looked a little like the dog in the old photo above, except 1) Butch was not all Cocker Spaniel and 2) he was a lot like Farley Mowat’s “Dog Who Wouldn’t Be” than an actual dog. Butchy wandered into our lives when we lived in Elko, Nevada, before I was even in Kindergarten. He brought a lot of bad habits into our lives, but he also brought a larger-than-life personality.

He could not be restrained. We had an 8′ tall chain-link around our back yard. Butch climbed it.

Butchy, along with a handful of other dogs, was “grandfathered” in when they finally passed a leash law in Winnemucca. I could name them all: old dogs that had never been restrained, had never threatened anyone outside of their own yard, and were known to always be at the heels of children. All of them were the dogs that made growing up a treasure: dogs that were bigger than life.

Butch, for instance, chased rocks. You could throw a rock into the muddy Humboldt River and he would dive until he found the same rock to return to you. Sometimes, he would be underwater so long, you thought surely he would drown. But then he would be dog-paddling with his short Spaniel legs back to short and he’d drag his impossibly long Labrador body out of the water. Between his teeth would be a rock so similar to the one tossed that we were certain he’d sniffed out the original.

Butchy was good with cats, kids, horses, and grocery store owners. He was not so good with garbage collectors, uninvited salesmen, and other Alpha dogs. My mother once used him to chase off the Hoover Vacuum Cleaner Salesman, who, as he kicked and scrambled out of our driveway, yelled back that he would “sue” my mother for turning the dog loose on him. Butch didn’t follow him beyond our driveway, and didn’t do too much damage to him: Butchy was not much more than an ankle biter.

He chased cars. I was ten years old when he died of a “high iron diet” and our father took him off to bury him privately. Each one of us kids mourned him privately and publicly, and we all swore there would never be a dog as wonderful as Butchy.

My best friend’s family had a Norwegian Elk Hound they called “Nipper” because he nipped. I knew Nippy for years, and never saw him nip anyone, so I always figured it was a puppy misnomer. Nipper was fun because you could point at a hole in the desert sand and say, “Get him!” Nipper would dig to China as long as you kept telling him there was something to dig for. The story behind Nipper was that someone turned loose a bunch of puppies at the city park and told the kids standing around that “if you catch one, you can have it.” Of course, Nipper’s parents could not refuse the triumphant boy who lugged his (nipping) prize home.

After Butchy died, my dad was content to just have the cat. My mom, however, could not live without a dog and mourned the loss. Someone dumped a purebred Miniature Schnauzer in the almost-ghost town of Paradise Valley. The folks living there – ranchers, for the most part – told my dad that they were considering shooting the dog as it was a pestilence, running loose and chasing stock.

He brought the dog home. Mr. Tack stayed with us for a couple of weeks, but it didn’t seem like he was happy or my mom was any happier. The dog moped. Reluctantly, my mother allowed my dad to return the dog to the wilds of Paradise Valley. She regretted the decision almost instantly, and soon the registered (but now paperless), abandoned, and moody Mr. Tack came to live with us.

We knew he was our dog when he first howled in the back yard and then began barking at people passing on the streets.

Tacky, as he came to be called, was obnoxious. I took him to 4-H to learn obedience training and to learn how to train a dog. Tacky defied every rule and even laid down in the show ring and went to sleep! Worse, when my mother was mad at one of us, she no longer yelled, “Terryjackiedenny!”, she now yelled, “Terrytacky-jackiedenny!” My name was continually mixed with Mr. Tack’s name.

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Mr. Tack’s only redeeming feature was his connection to my mom. He talked to her; she replied. He bit every family member, but he never nipped her. He attacked the garbage man. He ran away. He nipped the dog groomer. But he was devoted to my mom. She loved that dog.

Sometime in my childhood, I encountered dogs that were not good with children. there was Princess, the German Shorthair Pointer. She was kenneled most of the time with her dam, Queenie. They were used strictly for bird hunting. Princess would occasionally escape and when she did, she would attack children and other pedestrians. She was not a well-socialized dog.

There was Kelly, the Black Lab. Kelly took it in his mind to bark and attempt to chase children. The thing with Kelly was this: if you bent over as if to fetch a rock to throw at him, Kelly was back on his own front porch in no time. His bark was worse than his bite.

Then there was the Gordon Setter that belonged to the woman who had the <shudder> pet <shudder> monkey. Her name was Jackie. The monkey was evil, vicious, and, well, evil. I’m not very fond of monkeys, either (especially Spider Monkeys). This Gordon Setter nearly bit me in the face. I’m not going to lay the burden of guilt on the dog: we were telling ghost stories and he was the dog in the room (Jackie was the aunt of a friend). The Setter smelled fear. It growled a warning. I stood up, real fear settling in. Dogs will attack the scent of fear: the dog leaped at me and I jerked back. I felt his teeth slide across my face harmlessly.

The damage was done: if the dog was not a family member, I was afraid of it.

In my early twenties, I attempted to adopt a dog of my own.

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I found this sweet Dalmatian at the city pound. Mandy. She was a nervous, purebred wreck of a dog. But she came to love me unconditionally. Unfortunately for her, I met a man, fell in love, and when he discovered she was gun shy, it was only a matter of time before she had to be re-homed. I have always regretted losing Mandy.

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Then came this dog. Dogs like Butchy don’t happen twice in a lifetime, do they? I found her in a newspaper ad: part English Pointer, Brittany Spaniel, and English Setter. She was three months old when I stole her home to surprise my husband for his birthday.

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We named her Rosie. People mistook her for a Beagle. She had a heart as big as the ocean, and she was a darn fine bird dog.

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Rosie was good with children and cats. She was great with male dogs, for the most part. She was never good with other female dogs.

We moved into a trailer park in Rose’s twilight years. Everyone warned us to watch our dog around the Chow-Chow at the top of the hill, Bear. Bear didn’t like other dogs, we were told. We laughed: Bear hadn’t met Rosie.

Bear did come down to meet Rosie, his hackles high and a growl in his throat. Rose saw him coming. She balled all of her energy up and ran at him, hitting him square in the shoulder and rolling him. Bear ran all the way back up the hill, completely cowed. Rose was the new Big Dog in the neighborhood.

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If those jammies look like the same jammies in the other pic, they probably were. My son wore the same jammies his sister outgrew. He can be happy this isn’t a photo of him in the pink ones.

Rose, like Butchy, died of a high iron diet. We buried her under a little Douglas fir.

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Then came the first dog we paid for. Rejoys Hannah’s Promise. That was her registered name. We called her “Sadie”. She wasn’t much of a bird dog, despite being a pure bred English Pointer. But she was a great family dog.

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She was awkward and ungainly, always too skinny, and ever so loyal. Cancer took her, and we sat in the vet’s office, crying as she drew her last breath.

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Nearly a year later, Murphy came into our lives. Entirely my husband’s dog, a bull-headed, and way-too-smart Wirehaired Pointing Griffon. He is our second papered dog, purchased – as Sadie was – from a reputable breeder. The difference between Sadie and Murphy (aside from brains) is that Sadie came from show stock. Murphy came from hunting stock.

If I was of a mind to give him credit, he’s a better bird dog than Rosie. He’s a little too stubborn, too strong-willed, and too big for me to completely credit him. He greets me at the end of the day as if I was the only person in his world. He will be seven this May. It is hard to believe we have had this dog for almost seven years!

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And then, there is Harvey.

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Sometimes, I think Harvey is Mandy reincarnated. I always wanted a Dalmatian; she was my Dalmatian. I love English Setters; he is my Setter. The similarities between the two dogs are amazing (except Harvey is not gun-shy). Harvey will be five this year. That is hard to believe.

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I think, more than anything, I am so blessed that Harvey and Murphy think they are litter mates. There have been some cross words between them, but not very many. The one and only fight they have had was over gravy (Harvey won – he actually hurt Murphy). Murphy is the Alpha dog, regardless of the one fight he lost with Harvey.

They are such good dogs. And I have come a long, long way in recovering from my fear of dogs.

(But I still want a cat. Of course, I still want a horse, too.)

 

It was a perfect Spring weekend in which I endeavored to kill myself.

Truth. I decided to transform this:

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Into this:

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That is a lot of sod to remove. There’s a trick to removing sod by hand. You have to have a good edger and slightly wet soil. First you edge the area you want to remove, then yopu get down on your knees and slide the edger up underneath the grass roots, and slowly peel the sod away.

It is not easy, and I had to feel like I was twenty years younger to even attempt this feat this weekend.

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I even cleared the sod above the strawberries, although I cannot tell you what possessed me to push my body that far.

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I didn’t just dirty my jeans. I killed my back. The arthritis in my hands screams.

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I had to leave the grass in this clump of irises.

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And mingled in with my purple aster. There is an aster in that clump of grass. I don’t know how to separate the grass from the aster.

The iris, I know how: after it has bloomed, I will have to lift each rhizome from the soil, pry the grass roots away, and replant. I’m not up to it just prior to blooming season.

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My husband pruned his Hawthorne back. This tree has been run over by Caterpillars (the big yellow, mechanical kind) and chewed down by deer. We dug it up and transplanted it into our city yard when we moved into town from the country. Don is determined to keep it shrub-sized.

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He gave up at this point. You can see he will have to top that Hawthorne and soon. That poor Camellia in the background is going to suffer come heavy pruning this Spring as well.

Spring is always about whipping the garden back into shape. The better shape you left it in in the fall, the less work in the Spring. My problem is that every Spring, I want to expand on what I developed the prior year. I have lofty dreams for this yard.

We also have some pests to be rid of.

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Sometime in the last 12 months, we gained a rat or a rat family. Evidence of the rat’s hoarding began to show up in the garage in the form of shelled sunflower seeds.

I’ll have to quit feeding the birds for a time this summer while we seek out and destroy the rat and cleanse its habitat. <sigh> I just hope it’s not one of those great big Norway rats. The dogs hope they can catch it before we do (and we hope they don’t, despite the fact they have current rabies vax).

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While it was a gorgeous, sunny, warm weekend, each day began below freezing.

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The thin film of ice on the bird bath caught my eye before I started my day today. I love Spring for the extremes: freezing in the morning, warm in the day time (or hail, thunder, and lightning, with lots of rain). I just put on a sweatshirt and layer my clothes on those days that are dry enough to do yard work.

I promise that I paced myself. It took me two days to get the north flower bed weeded and shaped. When I was younger, I would have done it all in one day.

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Hervey wants you to know he “helped”. I swear I brush him. He just always looks like this half-brushed, unkempt dog.

He’s getting his hair cut off next weekend. He’ll be so much happier. So will I.

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We ended the day with a fire in the firepit that Don received as a retirement gift last year. It’s the first fire we’ve burned in the pit.

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Ahhhhh.

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I watched this fellow sun himself and then he scurried for a cooler place to be as the fire heated up.

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Yay. They don’t warn you about the paint emitting fumes as the fire warms the pit. Kind of reminds me of the smoke from my mother’s cigarettes.

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It was a beautiful Spring day that ended with a cozy fire. I love how this looks like some sort of creature with two tiny red eyes and a big red mouth.

Happy first Spring weekend!

 

 

Boundaries and Dogs

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I can hear the rain pouring outside my window right now. It held off until tonight, and we had an absolutely gorgeous weekend for yard work.

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I used the good weather to finish up dead-heading all the peonies and a few other plants (like the oregano) as well. But mostly, I used it to try to get ahead of the dogs. As in, I fenced off all of the Dragon Lilies (Dracunculus vulgaris) to keep them from being eaten when they bloom.

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And I moved the little wire fences around in an attempt to further dog-proof the fence.

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This is Culprit#1. He eats the Dragon Lilies. Hey, they smell like Dead Meat. Apparently, they are not poisonous to dogs since Murphy is still with us after several years of attacking the Dragon Lilies.

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This is Culprit #2. He eats fences. And digs holes. He’d climb the fences, too, if he wasn’t overweight because he also eats anything edible, including dog poop.

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Culprit#2 has been working on the bamboo screening.

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He’s so fun. He does this not because he is bored (but the longer he is left out in the yard alone, the more damage he does), but he does it because he was born with a wanderlust that was firmly embedded in his personality by the time he was a year old and came into our family. We have been battling with him over the fence ever since.

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This corner has him flummoxed. But, he can’t see any gaps and hasn’t tried very hard since I stapled up the wire.

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Chicken wire is the most effective tool, but it is very difficult to weed through and I had to weigh it down with a lot of big rocks and old concrete blocks.

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An unfolded tomato cage works on the big gate. He nearly had the gate open when I caught him here – he was just steadily applying pressure on it by poking his head under and pushing.

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This arrangement is all because of Culprit#1: there are several plants there that I do not want eaten, and so I have a fence within a fence, and structures set carefully over the vulnerable plants.

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They don’t bother the oregano, I just wanted to show you that I got it all dead-headed down to the moss and framed in. And to show you how tall some of the peonies (red stalks) are already.

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My rosemary plant. Or, it was my rosemary plant until Harvey thought he smelled a critter – or a way to escape by digging under the house. Murphy helped with some of the digging. This summer, this corner is going to be covered with paving stones.

They are good dogs, really. Murphy is a territorial barker who occasionally barks at the wind, always barks at firecrackers, and challenges anyone walking down the street. Seriously? They aren’t even in our yard, Murphy. He does not bark non-stop, which is to his merit. He is actually pretty quiet most of the time. He does not try to escape, no matter how bored he is in the yard (besides, he knows how to open the back door and just lets himself in when he’s bored. He does not know how to close the back door).

Harvey gets bored easily. He checks out every weak spot in the fence and any time he is ignored for more than ten minutes, he starts to wreak havoc. He doesn’t usually bark when we are home except to ask for something (out, a treat, a walk). He barks when he thinks I am going somewhere without him. He barks when he sees we have visitors (“Oh Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy!”). He barks non-stop when we are not home and that is why we own a bark collar. He can be trusted for a couple of hours in his kennel without a bark collar, but not for more than 8 hours.

Murphy pushes on the fence. Harvey digs.

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Our fence woes are not limited to dogs. The neighbor who owns this fence stopped me at the grocery store last week to assure me that they are going to replace the entire fence this summer – this section and the section belonging to their neighbor which is falling into our neighbor’s backyard. It’s a daunting project. They are aware it needs to be done.

They have two labs that dig. Mack and Daisy. I know Daisy real well, because she is the one that gets yelled at the most. “DAISY!” They know both “MURPHY!” and “HARVEY!”

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I stopped here. I need to get in behind the grapevine and dog-proof that corner where the espalier and wood fence come together. Harvey has a big hole dug there under the fence and he’s eaten the bottom of the corner boards, so this bit is a little trickier. I think a little chicken wire, buried, in addition to the decorative fence.

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What I did here was put decorative fence up against the wood, pushed it into the ground, and stapled it to the wood. Then I put a second decorative fence in front of it by about 6 inches. Harvey can’t get behind it to even start digging and he can’t get a bite hold of the fence bottom. If you click on the photo, you can see where he’s worked on this section before.

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This, by the way, is “LET’S GO FOR A WALK!” barking. We put in a mile this morning.

We have turned the corner on winter here in the Pacific Northwest. So much so, that I downloaded a satellite photo of our house and started the long process of photo-shopping it so I can start to plan out my garden beds for 2014.

garden plan 001I figured this was the most accurate way to plan my garden & design expanded flower beds – it will truly be to scale.

That was on the weekend. Monday came and I had to drag my sorry self out of bed an hour early to start my work week.

We have a small house, and when we first moved in, I found it was easier to do my make-up and hair in the laundry room where I could reserve a shelf just for my things. We still had kids living with us and the competition for the bathroom could get fierce. Now the kids have moved on and my husband sleeps in (he’s retired), but I still do my makeup in the laundry room.

I do everything else in the bathroom: shower, brush my teeth, anything that requires water.

In the laundry room, the wire to my curling iron rests in the bottom of the mud sink while I put on make-up and wait for it to heat.

This morning, I noticed something odd in the drain.

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I wondered what had been dropped down in there? An old toothbrush used for cleaning now? A paintbrush? Something with a long, green, plastic handle?

I tentatively poked at it with the long handle of my comb. it moved, ever so little.

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I took a longer, unbelieving look. Yup. A sunflower. There’s a freaking sunflower growing in the mudroom sink drain!

Makes me wonder when the last time was that we ran water down that drain. And when did this sunflower germinate? How did it get into the sink drain? Oh, well, that part I can probably figure out – I probably cleaned a bird feeder in there sometime in the past couple of months.

I showed it to my husband tonight. the conversation went, “Hey, Don, come see my sunflower.”

“Your sunflower?”

“Yes, my sunflower.”

“What sunflower?”

“Just come here.”

“Here? In the laundry room?”

“Here. See.”

“What the -? Did you take a photo of it?”

Why, yes, Honey, I did. And I blogged about it, too. But there’s a bigger question:

How long should I leave it in there?

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SPROING!

This is a three-part blog post. The first part if the hardest part: test results. The middle part is shopping at Goodwill today. The last part is things I pulled out of the attic. None of it ties together, but that’s all right because I warned you first. That doesn’t make me a great writer, just good at forewarning the reader.

I saw the doctor on Wednesday of last week. The results of the test were pretty much what I knew they would be, because it is the answer I’ve been getting for over two years. Why should it change now?

It is actually very good news which, I suppose, stretched, could tie this blog post to the third point: hope. I’m not going to die of the gross hematuria. What causes it will remain a mystery, but I have – in the words of this doctor – explored every possible avenue to locate the source of the problem. She theorizes (as did my last specialist) that there is a capillary or small blood vessel that is between my kidneys & my bladder and which is broken and unable to heal itself. It pumps blood into my bladder, but not so much as to cause me to be anemic or ill. It just looks ugly and scares everyone. The alternative to that theory is that this is the very beginning stages of something else, but we’ll just monitor my blood counts every six months and see if anything changes.

Chances are, it will just go away. I’m banking on that.

In other words: I am healthy, I am not a hypochondriac, and we can put to rest any fears of bladder cancer or bizarre autoimmune disease. It has been over two years and cost us thousands of dollars, but I have a clean bill of health (so to speak).

Part Two.

Partly in celebration of this diagnosis (or lack thereof), I decided to spend some money at Goodwill. I love thrift stores.

I was looking for a particular item which I did not find, but I found these two items:

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A charming 4″ tall duck with a rake. It had to come home to my house to be a part of my Easter decorations.

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I walked by this several times. It isn’t functional, just decorative. I wondered if I could paint it & hang it on the fence or the shed?

After I brought it home, I wondered if I could take the shelves off.

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It was brand new and the screws were easy to remove. One house is missing the finial. I want to hang them in tandem, in much the way I photographed them. I don’t think I will repaint them, even.

Unrelated, but somehow here in the middle: I also went to World Market/Cost Plus.

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I found this there. It reminded me of Redwall Abbey and Brian Jacques, the author of Martin the Warrior. I had to purchase it. It was really yummy and I felt like a mole stealing a sip in the cellar with the Hedgehog.

Burr Hurr.

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Part Three: because I bought the duck, I was reminded that I needed to pull out the Easter decorations. I won’t bore you with how that entails moving boxes back out of my 12×6’attic in order to find the three boxes that belong to Easter, and then putting everything back into the attic in a different order. I have to put on knee pads and climb in and out of the attic, because it is really just a crawlspace in the loft. It does have a light.

It also has a lot of loose insulation. But no spiders. Spiders don’t like the crawl space for some reason. Maybe it’s the loose insulation?

P.S. – I added the lavender raincoat to hide the telephone mess behind the baker’s rack.

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Easter is about hope, new life, resurrection. As we (Christians) have attempted to incorporate Beltane and other spring equinox celebrations, Pagan symbols have slipped into it: eggs and bunnies, for the most part. Lambs have to do with the Christian celebration, but they are also a symbol of renewed life.

I have no problem mixing metaphors, and since most Christian holidays are mixed metaphors, that’s probably a good thing. I could never be a purist, throwing the eggs, chicks, bunnies, chocolate, and May Pole out with the Christmas tree, Yule log, and that fat jolly elf from the North Pole.

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My collection of bunnies has become a family. I decided the grey one is really a lop-eared bunny, not a hare. The feet are wrong for a hare.

So: hope. Easter.

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Daffodils and Lenten Roses. I’m beyond excited that my Lenten Rose (the only one that has survived out of three) is large enough that I can cut some blooms and not harm the integrity of the plant – and that it has bloomed in time for Lent.

So there I am: test results: healthy. Today’s finds: fun. Tomorrow’s hope: another season of birth, and a season of rebirth.

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I am a doodler. I first came to this realization in Second Grade when I drew little trails behind the sentences on the back of my spelling notebook. They made sense to me: the trails followed the contours of the words. The words were obstacles that the hiker had to go around. The trails were exciting new areas of exploration.

I got in trouble. Apparently, you aren’t supposed to draw trails on the back of your spelling notebook.

The problem is: you have to sit still in class, in a lecture, at church, during a training session at work, and in college lecture halls. You are supposed to take notes. I take copious notes and my notes make a lot of sense. But in between those words are gaps: pauses in the speaker’s thoughts, reiterations of a point already made (how many times can you underline it to emphasize it?), and unimportant digressions in the dialogue.

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I have a pen in my hand. Snow cap mountains flow out of the ink. Prancing chargers, wild mustangs, howling coyotes. One line to depict the mountains is never enough: you have to shade them in to show the timberline or the snow line.

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A simple tree takes care of a note you need to erase. But a tree needs a shadow and there needs to be grass around the tree.

004The sun rises over the waves and reflects in choppy sentences.

I really am paying attention. I probably am gaining more out of the lecture than the person sitting next to me who is taking no notes at all, or the person who is so intent on the speaker that they’re not hearing the words.

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An emphasized statement can only be underlined and highlighted and marked with exclamation points so many time. Eventually, flowers have to grow. A dahlia takes over the O.

Just “google” this: THE ART OF DOODLING. It will blow your mind. I am not alone in this nervous habit of having ink in my hand and needing to spread it out onto the paper in pictures.

My father once espoused that he thought ancient pictographs and cave paintings were simply doodles. He said it to get a reaction from his favorite role model, his Uncle Frank (and he did get the desired response. Great Uncle Frank was an archeologist at heart and he nearly had apoplexy at my dad’s suggestion). But I don’t think Dad was entirely kidding: I think sometimes the art was there just for art’s sake. The ancient people painted and scribbled for the same reasons we do: nervous habit, a desire to create, and to tell a story here and there.

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This story is one inch by one and a quarter inches. My coffee was cold and it was bearing down on lunch time. I hung it on a plaque on my notepad.

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And then there are the webinars that go on forever. The entire top portion of my 8×11.5″ yellow tablet becomes a story in between the note taking. Mountains rise, storms come, rainbows become visible as the sun comes out, flowers grow, frogs hide in the cattails, and a pot of gold is found in the bed of four-leaf clovers at the end of the rainbow.

Those were doodles over two days’ of heavy note taking on a new accounting system. The doodles keep my head from hurting with all that information.

I thought a lot about Deni today. There were so many kind replies to yesterday’s post!

She was a little sister, a brat, a nemesis, a clone, a best friend, and a sister.

I hated her in high school when she copied whatever I wore to school. “MOM! She’s wearing the SAME thing I am!” I would wail.

There were so many funny moments.

Driving down Highway 50 from Lages Station to Ely. Four of us in the cab of the GMC pick-up (no seatbelts). Dad lit a cigarette for my mom and handed it to me to pass to Deni to pass to mom. He lit another one and handed it to me to pass on down (I didn’t smoke).

Deni: “Um, Dad, why did you light another cigarette? You just lit Mom’s.”

Dad. “You smoke, don’t you?”

Deni: caught red handed, no way out. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thanks.”

—-

Deni comes back from the bathroom, shaking a bottle of Pepto-Bismal. “The lid is loose.”

The rest of us, “You just have to jiggle the toilet handle, not move the lid.”

Deni (as Mom takes the bottle from her and proceeds to shake it harder and pink stuff goes everywhere): “I meant the Pepto-Bismal…”

—-

Cousin Reisa: “Let’s pretend we’re vampires and now that the sun is setting we’re going to attack Deni.”

Me: “Cool!”

Jaci and Reisa proceed to turn into vampires.

Deni faints dead away. Reisa: “OHMYGOD! What did we do?”

—-

Deni: “He’s hanging by half a limb.”

“A quart short of a three quart tank.”

“Did you get your driver’s license off a Kellogg’s box?!”

“One brick short of a wall.”

—-

Family reunion, Deni calls Dad. She’s stranded on the side of the road between Ruth and Ely (five miles). No one will stop to help her. She’s 38 years old and crying.

Terry and me: “Why won’t anyone stop to help her?!”

Dad, “If you didn’t know your sister and you saw her hitch-hiking on the side of the road, would you stop?”

Uhhhhhhh.

(Terry went to the rescue)

—-

My parents call and ask what to do about the dog Deni wants to bring home from the private school in Wasatch, Zeke. He’s half-coyote. I told them they should allow Deni to bring Zeke home. He’d follow her, anyway. I met Zeke. He was a one-person dog.

She had a lot of dogs, but Zeke and Lincoln were the most loyal.

—-

Me, upon receiving a strange letter from my sister on official stationery. “Uh, Don. I think she’s in Idaho State Prison…”

(She was. She was extradited to Nevada, was the State’s witness, and put her boyfriend in prison for a long time. this was after SWAT busted them in Idaho Falls. Terry later told me that he should have picked up on it, too, but the ticker tape said “Mary Cracraft” and we didn’t know her by that name. She was Deni Wilcox to us.)

That was a hard time period for her: the transition from addict to citizen. But she did it.

I saw her just prior to this and her eyes were the reflection of death. To see her a few years later and see life in those eyes was the greatest gift I have ever received (next to her children).

—-

You didn’t want to play “Slug Bug” with her. She hit. Hard. And she played to win.

—-

Portland Coliseum, after the Lippizaner show. We hailed a taxi, but a large woman cut in front of us and moved to take her seat in the back. She sat on Deni who protested loudly. We got the cab. No idea how Deni slipped into that cab so quickly!!

—-

She was a fish. Her second nature was water. Looked up one day and she was out in the breakers off the Oregon Coast in Seaside. Out where the rip tide runs. Happy as a razor clam in the Oregon sand.

—-

I spent a weekend with her at the private school they sent her to. Met all her friends and Zeke, the dog. Laughed. She “borrowed” a hymnal and gave it to me. I still have the hymnal.

—-

We cried together when she gave her firstborn up for adoption.

—-

She was in jail when I got married.

—-

I know a lot of people have a dysfunctional family member, maybe even one as lost as my little sister was. She was Good People. She loved fiercely. She defended her young. She was – in the words of mutual friends – “kind and gentle.” She loved kittens, puppies, strays, horses, and people. She abhorred cruelty.

What pain caused her to turn to self medicate? I have some theories. None of them have to do with a weak person and all of them have to do with victimization. If I could only find the perpetrators… But I would have to forgive them. She forgave.

—-

My last memory of her was braiding her hair. Dad’s 70th birthday. We surprised him with a visit. I stood behind her and braided her hair into two pigtails as I explained to her that I got headaches from the single braid and maybe she would do better with pigtails. She had that lovely whiskey tenor voice, her voice box ravaged by drugs and alcohol. That’s why they call it a “whiskey tenor”. Her lovely, long fingers.

She had beautiful children. They’re all nearly grown up now. Smart kids.

—-

Proof that you do not have to be “successful” to “touch” a lot of people. She was not successful, but she touched a lot of lives. Her inner beauty was more important that corporate success. Take that “motivational” speakers: Deni touched a lot of lives and she was “just” a parolee with problems. She was well-loved and admired.

I am her big sister. And I still look up to her. Love you so much, Sam-bo!

—-

P.S. I am still really, really, really sorry about that damn duck!!

(We went to the fair together when she was 15. One of our last “good” sister nights together. We had a blast. And I spent $1.80 in dimes to win the damn duck. Live duckling. We took him home in an empty soda cup. He impressed on my sister and she named him Sam before we got home.

And Dad made her give the damn duck up. Couldn’t let her just keep it, clip its wings and whatever. NO. It had to go to a rancher he knew, someone who would take care of it and let it be a duck, not a pet.

I never quite forgave my dad for that and I know she never got over the damn duck. All.My.Fault.

Sam did live a happy life (the duck).)

Tonight marks the 14th anniversary of the last night that I had a living little sister. It doesn’t seem like 14 years, and her last night on earth was spent in a coma, and far, far, far away from me. She touched a lot of lives and is remembered fondly by so many.

002

One year, we held a huge wedding in the backyard of our house in Winnemucca. Teddy Bear and Pinky Cat got married. Teddy still lives with me, safe in a box with his Best Man, Lucky Dog. Pinky Cat went on to live with Deni, and was lost somewhere along the line. Perhaps she died when my sister’s rental burned down. Teddy and Pinky never got divorced, they merely lived separated.

We baked a heart-shaped two-layer cake and frosted it with home-made icing that didn’t mix quite properly, so it was a pink frosting it white powdered sugar polka-dots. The stuffed animals spent their honeymoon in their tree house (pictured).

001

When asked by the Mayor of Winnemucca what she would do if she was Chief Winnemucca ( a real historical figure) and all of her people were starving, but someone brought her two chicken eggs, Deni replied, “I’d scramble them and share them with everyone.”

Her family nick-name was “Sam”. When she was very little, there was a back yard baseball game. The neighborhood boys protested that girls could not play. The father in charge looked around and said, “I don’t see any girls. Oh: here’s Tommy, George, and Sam.” Sam was the name that stuck.

003

Deni, Terry, Jaci

We never wore shoes, my sister and I. We walked from our house to the public swimming pool across sidewalk, asphalt, dirt, gravel, and railroad ties (the worst!) in 100 degree weather, but we never wore shoes.

My father believed that my sister got a cut on her bare foot and that was where the infection began. Certainly, the era of going barefoot was over after March 3, 2000.

004

Terry, Jaci, Sam

It happened quickly. She cut her foot and washed it, then forgot. But it hurt more than usual. And her leg began to throb. and then she was sick to her stomach. She called my dad, a widower by then, and cried that she was “afraid…” She was newly married to her second husband, struggling to raise her three small children, and living in a single wide trailer my dad bought her.

Dad called me on the 2nd of March to tell me that Sam was being rushed to Reno via LifeFlight. She was in a coma already.

006

She was not quite 41 years old and trying to get her life straight. She’d been a drug addict, an alcoholic, and she’d done her time in jail. She had four children by different fathers.

When Mom died in 1995, Sam was probably 17 years old emotionally. That’s what chronic alcohol and drug abuse does: arrests your emotional development. She was an alcoholic by the time she was 17.

When Sam died, she was probably 23 emotionally. She was close to Dad, and he mentored her (sometimes begrudgingly) in home repair and keeping a steady job. She wrote me long letters on how she was turning her life around.

005

We fought like sisters. We giggled like sisters. She was the brave one who knew no fear; I was the shy one who needed to consider all the risks. She was a talented artist, a loving mother, and a loyal friend. She had a temper to go with those dark brown eyes.

The diagnosis was “necrotizing fasciitis” (Flesh-eating bacteria). It is a deadly form of the Streptococcal bacteria that gains entry through a wound. It can be a pin-prick size of a wound, but if the bacteria is present and there is no immunity, it begins to attack the muscles. It rapidly moves to the organs, and most people who die of it, die of Toxic Shock Syndrome when their organs simply shut down. The lucky ones may end up losing a limb, and a few emerge apparently unscathed (but deeply scarred internally).

My great-grandmother on my father’s side died of a streptococcal infection that attacked her organs. My dad believed it was the same disease, but Grandmother died in 1930 in Salt Lake City and her records were lost. We have only my grandfather’s diary entry to go by, and his description is terribly like what took my little sister down.

Both women died too young to leave small children behind.

I flew down for the funeral. It was a much harder funeral to attend than my mother’s. Mom’s death was slow and agonizing and predictable: emphysema robbed her of her ability to breathe on her own. My sister died pretty much overnight. There was no warning for me, no way to prepare myself emotionally – and then I had to face her orphans!

Chrystal cuddled up with me during the funeral. She was the oldest of the little ones. Her big brother sat on the other side of her, a young man already.

It wasn’t all sad. My brother did the eulogy and he told all the funny stories he could think of. The crowd was tense: nearly everyone who came wore their “colors” – members of an outlaw biker band that had the local city police circling the church in hopes of serving a warrant or two. My brother was still a county deputy. The pastor had never had so many obvious sinners in his church before (it was standing room only). There were childhood friends who came hundreds of miles to say “good-bye”. All the strays my sister had taken in over her short life.

Terry played the song that he said best exemplified Deni’s short life on earth, a life she embraced fully.

It brought the house down.

007

I get sad when I think about the good times we had together, the bad times we shared through letters, and when I watch Deni’s kids struggle to grow up. Sam wasn’t successful by business standards, but she remains an icon of fierce loyalty and love for the hundreds whose lives were touched by hers.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥Lovin’ Denise♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Fourteen years.

This came to me today. I haven’t thought about it in a long, long, time. I am posting it especially for my nephew, Mike, who wants to hear stories about his mom. This is a classic Deni story.

Of course, it starts out and ends with me: our memories are like that – centered around us. But if Deni had not done what she did naturally – and on that November day, in particular – then Buddie Jacopo would never have been.

The day was November 2nd, 1972. My fifteenth birthday. I rode to school with my brother in his old pink Willys Jeep. (Yes, pink!) He ditched me as soon as the Jeep was parked, but my best friend, Janet, met me outside of school. We found a tiny black kitten with amber eyes. He was so beautiful and so friendly: I almost put him inside my brother’s Jeep so I could sneak him home and beg to keep him.

But I didn’t. I went to school, instead, and hoped the kitty would be out in the same area when I had to walk home after school. He wasn’t.

Five blocks away, the middle school was busy. In those days, my mother worked as a secretary for an engineering firm that had an office adjacent to the middle school play ground. We were taught from an early age that when Mom was at work, we were *not* to bother her. No phone calls, no drop ins, nothing: we were to behave as though we did not know where she worked.

Ely middle school toughs hauled a kitten to the playground: a black kitty with amber eyes that was friendly and wanted only to be picked up and loved. They began to torment the cat with intent to torture it.

One thing you never did in front of my sister was be mean to a living creature. She couldn’t stand someone who picked the wings off of flies. Don’t begin to ask about tormenting kittens.

The kitty was carried to my mom’s office, where my sister begged my mom to take it home: “I want to give it to Jaci for her birthday. PLEEEASE…”

Can you imagine my surprise and joy when my mom brought the kitten home? THE KITTEN. The same one I almost put into the Jeep!

Can you imagine the sorrow and loss I felt when my dad put his foot down and said, “NO MORE CATS.” We already had one: a black cat named Speck-o’s that my brother hid in the garage for a week before our father discovered we had adopted a kitten.

My own beloved Jasper Cat died the summer before, cut in half by an ore train. I was in Reno when it happened and my sister helped my brother bury Jassy.

I cried alligator tears and stood outside in the bitter November chill, refusing to come back inside unless the lucky little black kitten was welcomed to come in, too. I threatened to spend the night outside, crying bitter tears.

I was truly Sarah Bernhardt. It was an act worthy of an Oscar.

The cat was allowed. I named him Buddie. My other best friend, Lisa, suggested I name him Jacopo (whether after the Italian poet, composer, or artist I no longer recall).

In a postscript: when I left for college and left BJ behind, he adopted my dad. Dad, the Grouch who did not want the cat in the first place, taught BJ how to beg for treats and to sit up like a dog. It amused my father greatly. I think BJ was his last favorite pet.

I was so grateful to my little sister for her act of bravery in the face of middle school hazing (she was the new kid on campus) and for her sacrifice (“I want to give the kitty to Jaci for her birthday” when she really wanted him for herself). It was something Deni would do. She had a big heart.

Biopsy

I have no idea why I feel compelled to share this with the Internet. It just was different than what I expected (and probably cost a billion dollars – there goes my high-deductible for 2014).

According to the websites and the doctor who referred me, I would be given a local anesthetic to my back. I would feel “pressure” when the biopsy needle went into my back and nothing more.

That was all the preparation I had, despite researching in on the Interwebs. I would be fine to work on the following day.

Reality was slightly different. I argued for my favorite hospital and won: somehow, the powers-that-be ignore the little hospital right here in Oregon City in favor of the larger, more metropolitan ones. This, despite that our local hospital is part of the Providence network, well-staffed, and clean. I won, and that part makes me smile. I was (at least) in familiar territory.

I was wheeled to the CT room. I was told I would be given “happy drugs” (narcotics) and I probably would not remember the procedure at all. IV in, electrocardio set up, blood prtessure cuff on, emergency oxygen in the wings. I lay on my stomach, head twisted cruelly to the left. (MY choice: left or right: I chose left. They did make me as comfortable as possible.)

They wheeled me in and out of the CT Scanner with the admonition to “hold the same breath” every time. I did not bother to point out the grammatical incorrectness of such a statement, but concentrated on memorizing how I was going to inhale and hold my breath. I was introduced to everyone: Darcy, my day nurse; Holly, the attending RN who would record everything; Darla, the CT Scan tech; Dr. Vega, the professional who would extract cells from my kidneys.

They placed little grids on my back and explained that I needed to hold the same breath because the kidneys move when you breathe. Technically, I understood the request: they wanted the kidneys in the same position every single time so they wouldn’t miss the target. I only failed once.

Lidocaine was injected into my back (small fire). 25 milligrams of pheno-something (not barbitrol?) was injected into the IV. I was fully aware the entire time and even felt the large needle go into my back (a pain that registered as a .5, nothing to even flinch over, but certainly not a strong pressure on my back).

Someone from Oregon Health Sciences University showed up with a microscope. I overheard this in the background as staff rushed around. Apparently, this was unexpected and was a sudden act of Providence: they would instantly know if they collected enough cells for the biopsy and I would not have to repeat today’s visit in the event they didn’t collect enough of my kidney. I say “kidney” now because they only took samples from the right kidney.

Four, to be exact. “Hold your breath.” Click. “Breathe. Four times. Wait five minutes while the people with the microscopes ascertain that enough cell matter has been collected. The cell matter will be transported to OHSU for complete pathology.

I was told I was a model patient: calm, patient, exact in my breathing. I had to wait two hours before being allowed to leave (they want to be sure no signs of allergy, infection, or excessive bleeding appear).

The part I was not prepared for: complete bed rest for the rest of the day. 24 hours of bed rest, to be exact (although I am violating this right now). I am not supposed to drive for 24 hours, but I invoked what I was told before I even went in for the biopsy: I was told I could go to work in the morning on the day after.

I am a compliant sort. I try to obey the doctors: bed rest, all that. It’s to prevent infection and worse, and I get that. It’s part of my personality to obey when I believe it is right for my body and even if I don’t want to: there’s a time for rebellion and my health isn’t the time. But I will be driving long before the 24 hours is up, as long as I feel this fine in the morning (and I see no reason not to).

Thankfully, my Kindle was fully charged. I’ve checked my email, checked my Facebook, and started reading (or continued to read) three books: I’m struggling with “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” (preachy, and I have a hard time wrapping my brain around the concept of ‘owning’ another human being – my sensitivities are offended despite my affection for the heroes & heroines of the book), “Quiet” by Susan Cain (it only makes me angry as only an introvert in an extrovert world can feel – an anger that has simmered since the 9th grade when I ‘changed’ my personality in order to ‘fit in’ and that has been fueled in recent days by my company’s decision to put us all in cubicles in the ‘pod’ system – don’t ask this introvert what she thinks of that failed business model!), and “Exit Unicorns” by Cindy Brandner (not at all what I expected, but a very engaging history of Ireland).

My Kindle finally died and I am here, blogging. I will soon retire. In a week, I hope to have the pathology report. I am hoping that I did not mishear a nurse state, “They have pathology”. She was referencing the people with the microscopes and her words gave me heart: they already found something, but what?

My silent prayer is: “Please, God. Something. I just want to know what name the Enemy hides behind. I want to be validated in the ‘Invisible Illness’ realm. I *know* I have something: don’t tell me ‘nothing can be found’ one more time.”

Amen.