Jaci Dawn

Working My Way Through a Dx

August 18, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

I work my way through difficult times by writing. I work my way through good times by writing. What the heck: I work my way through life by writing. I find it much easier to write about things than to talk about them (a trait which nonplusses my extrovert coworker who wants me to dish the details verbally).

That said, here’s the story:

Harvey has always had a funny habit of wanting his back massaged. He’ll be snoozing on the floor in front of you, and you press your toes into his lumbar region and – whoa! The dog pushes back and writhes in ecstasy as you massage his lower back with your toes! He has also always walked and run a bit funny, leaving us to theorize that he was hit by a car early in his life, long before I came to own him. His back legs always seem to give him a bit of trouble, and even strangers to him have commented that he appears to be in pain, if only fleetingly.Last week, my husband took off on his first ever camping trip in the VW Van. He took his dog and left Harvey behind. Harvey moped. He didn’t want to do anything. So, the second day of his confinement to his kennel while I worked, I came home and took him on a long walk to the park. I put him on a lunge line (yes, a horse’s lung line – it’s long and you still have control of the dog) and let him explore the park. It’s a leash park, so he can’t go off-leash and he runs away when he’s off-leash. Or he used to: I haven’t tried since he truly bonded with me. We took a long walk the next night, too. And the next two days were shorter walks, but anything to get him from moping.Sunday, I realized he was not just moping: he was hurting. He didn’t want to get up and walk anywhere. He was as stiff as our old dog, Sadie, was right before she succumbed to old age and cancer. He was eating, but only when I hand fed him. He was drinking water. Mostly, he just wanted to mope.My husband came home Sunday afternoon, and I thought Harvey would immediately improve. Nope. He wagged his tail and barked a welcome, but he laid back down and moped the rest of the evening. He limped a little when he walked. I decided that I would see how he was in the morning & I would weigh calling in sick to take care of him.This is how my marriage works: we’re joint owners of nearly everything, but vet visits tend to be my domain. His dog is his dog, and my dog is my dog. The dogs even understand this dynamic.I called in sick. I felt guilty. I called in later and confessed it was my dog that was sick. I got Harvey a 3:00 appointment with our vet. I admit that I was nervous: last time I weighed Harvey at the vet’s, he was 90#. But he looks thinner and I can feel his ribs, so I hoped he had lost enough weight that I wouldn’t be in for a lecture on over-feeding my dog. He was 80# today, right in the perfect weight for a 27″ English Setter. <whew> The vet did ask if the weight loss was accidental or intentional and I was able to assure him that it was intentional. I went in thinking that Harvey had the first signs of hip dysplasia. I was scared. He was in pain. He didn’t even try to sniff noses with any of the multitude of other dogs in the reception area (and there were a lot of them, because our vet is a busy vet). Thankfully, there were no cats today.The vet pulled at his hips and legs, turned his head and neck both directions to test his flexibility, and lifted his hind quarters off the ground. “Well, he’s certainly not telling us where it hurts, is he?” He could see Harvey hurt, but there wasn’t even a whimper. He checked Harvey’s bowels (no obstruction). Finally, he lifted Harvey’s back end off the ground and applied forward pressure onto his shoulders. Just the slightest growl of pain emanated from the dog. We looked at each other: “Well, he finally had something to say!”I could have had x-rays done, but it wasn’t in my budget (and my recent research has shown it wouldn’t prove anything anyway). The vet has been our vet for over 20 years and I know he has an instinct about animals: I trust him. He said he thought it was – and it is most likely by the symptoms – a degenerative disease of the lower lumbar. He even gave it a name:”Lumbrosacral stenosis“We were given antiflammatory meds and pain killers, plus a print-out on the disease (also known as cauda equine syndrome).Harvey is on strict doggie bed rest (a short step from cage arrest). No walks, short or long. Outside only to pee & poop. Meds until they are exhausted. He should be happy by Wednesday – if not… Harvey could hardly climb into the car to come home. I know we disturbed his back a lot during the exam. He’s been resting quietly in front of the TV all evening. The pain meds (I hope) have kicked in a little. We have lots of massage and heat therapy ahead.I’m happy that it isn’t hip dysplasia, but the more I read about it, the less happy I am. I have to share this photo with you. It is of Ch Mallwyd Sirdar, one of the leading sires of the English Setter lineage. Harvey looks just like him!Harvey is resting tonight. I am praying for the best outcome. He’s the sweetest dog possible.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged cauda equine syndrome, english setter, lumbrosacral stenosis syndrome | Leave a Comment »

Suicide – There Are Many Ways

August 15, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

1995. I sat at my mother’s bedside. She was nervous, and constantly batted at the IVs going into her body. Her hazel green eyes were foggy with morphine. A tube was inserted into her throat so she could breathe. She was dying of emphysema.

Mom battled the disease for years. there were countless hospital stays that I was kept unaware of. This last time, my brother called me from Reno and asked me to come down. It was the end, he was certain. My father had asked me to stay home, but I took my brother’s advice and flew down. My dad was happy to see me.

Mom would have smiled, if she could have. She clenched my hand. She tried to pull the tubes out. The morphine pulled her away from us.

Individually, we went to the nurse’s station. “Mom doesn’t want the tubes. Please remove the tubes.”

“You know she will die?”

“She knows she will die. She wants the tubes removed.”

Three of us. Three of us who had to consent. I have to admit, it felt a little like murder. I wanted my mom to stay here. I wanted to hear her ring on the telephone when she called. I wanted to spend an hour on a Sunday evening talking to her. I wanted her advice on love, children, marriage. I needed her political opinion. I wanted her to see my children grow and to know them.

Instead, my 10 year old daughter sang at my mother’s funeral.

I remember the last words I spoke to my mother. I leaned in and told her that we were allowing staff to remove the tubes. Mom’s drugged eyes looked relieved. “I love you,” I said. “I want to say ‘good-bye’. I know you are going to do what you want to do. It’s OK.”

My mom’s spirit smiled at this admission: she was Scots-stubborn. You couldn’t talk her out of a decision. I knew – and she knew – that she willed the tubes out of her body so she could just leave Hell. Mom believed life on earth was the only Hell a Christian would know, and life on earth is Hell. She left us within the hour.

—

2011. My brother and I were cleaning out the house. Dad was gone. There was so much we had to come to terms with. like the oxygen tank in the corner.

Terry pulled out the medications Dad had been prescribed to help his COPD and his heart. The last one used was in March of 2011. It was May of 2011. Dad quit taking his meds two months earlier.

—

I have known a lot of suicides. The first one was when I was 16. There were many between my 16th birthday and my 18th. They slowed down for awhile. Then my husband and I attended funerals for two suicides back-to-back. We literally walked out of one funeral and drove to the next. Men we knew & loved & respected.

The pastors who spoke at those two funerals preached not of hell and condemnation, but of hope and life and healing. No longer was the suicide condemned to hell by the church, but the church wondered if there was not a grace to cover suicide.

My parents committed suicide. It wasn’t an overt act like jumping off a bridge or putting a gun to their head. They pulled tubes out of their arms or quit taking medications. They understood the consequence: they would die. They chose death over life.

I hurt for my loss. I hurt for the loss of Robin Williams’ family. But more than I hurt, I understand. I have hope.

There is a place – a much better place than the ‘heaven’ portrayed in “What Dreams May Come” where the suicide was caught in a web of repeating her painful decisions. I believe – I hope – my parents and Robin Williams – are in a better place. I hope all the suicides I have known found that place.

Let us be short to judge and long to forgive. We don’t know what is in the heart of a person and we don’t know the pain.

For me: I only know the pain of the survivor. I choose to forgive.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged forgiveness, robin williams, suicide | 1 Comment »

Vignettes From A Yard Sale

August 10, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

I prefer to be on the other side of a yard sale (garage sale, tag sale – whatever you call it). I buy. I discovered many years ago that most yard sales are hardly worth the time and effort when all you make is a measly $40 to $60. The *only* reason we decided to do a yard sale this year was the sheer amount of STUFF we had to get rid of. We decided to sell what we could and donate the rest to the Vietnam Veterans of America.

Last time I held a yard sale was in 2003 and we made around $350-$400. It was not fun, but we did meet a few neighbors and we made enough money to make it worth our time and effort.

This time, we made about $350. We had a lot of fun doing it. We met a lot of interesting people. We closed it down by 2:00PM on the hottest day of the weekend (today) and we were ready to be done. All that is left is to call the Veterans to come pick up what they will take and to trash the rest.

We did not put sentimental prices on anything. If we put it out in the yard, we had to be willing to part with it permanently, and for cheap. We gave a lot of stuff away.

The surprise of the day was on Friday when a good and dear friend wandered up to the house. He’d read the ad on Craigslist, but he had no idea who lived here. We had a wonderful mini-reunion and I sent him home with the antique autoharp that belonged to my older daughter. Sorry, Arwen, but we know you’ll never collect it and now it has a home in the hands of a very fine furniture refinisher and musician.

Here is how the sale went: on Thursday evening we set up.

A car pulled up to the mailbox and our neighbor leaned out of his window. “Hey… you really have a lot of junk!” He came by later when he was walking his dog and bought some items from us in the dark. $20.

Sue, the Koren neighbor across the street, grabbed all my narrow-mouth canning jars (I kept the wide mouth jars). She paid me $3 plus two jars of her homemade jam. I don’t understand half of what she says, but I know one is apple and the other is blueberry, and there’s no sugar in them.

Friday started slow and we despaired. Maybe it was too hot. Maybe my signs fell down. Then people started coming, just one or two at a time. Sue, the Korean neighbor, came over several times just to visit and talk. She’s lonely because her husband sleeps days. She’s hysterical. I can tell you a lot about her, and I only grasp half of what she says because her English is very lacking. My friend, Diane, came over to add to our stack of things for sale, and she ended up staying until we quit. How fun is that!

Saturday started even slower. The big neighborhood sale down the hill from us had all the traffic, so all we could do was sit around and twiddle our thumbs. Chrystal and Brian came over to help and I am sure they felt pretty useless most of the day. I was selling all the little kid toys and toddler chairs, plus Tickle Me Elmo™. I figured $5 was a good asking priice for a toy that never dies, has hardly been used, and which Chrystal hated.

Never have your kids come help with a yard sale! Chrystal gave Elmo™ to the cutest toddler girl from up the street from us. It was so sweet, but I didn’t get my five bucks.

Seriously, this family walked over just as I was getting Harvey out to go to the dog groomer’s. The toddler wanted to pet the puppy as soon as she saw him. Then she focused on Elmo™. Her mom is the woman on the corner with a horse trailer – hmmmm. She has a QH, boards him in town, and loves all things horses. I love this woman.

We met the neighbors who live on the other side of Virginia when they bought the saw blades that Don once told me he was going to make knives out of. The young man asked, when he handed us the money, “You don’t mind if I make knife blades out of them?” HA!

Sue brought us a big pan of pot stickers for lunch. Oh-my-goodness-heaven-is-real! Pig Out!

We closed shop at 5PM and started the barbecue. At 5:45, right before the ribs were done, a car stopped. Are you serious? Everything was covered up, the signs say 9-5…

Two women got out, a mother-daughter pair. the daughter (20-something) wanted the top to the aquarium (I kept the aquarium because I have plants growing in it – this was the lights & slider part). We plugged it in, but the lights didn’t work. She still wanted it. I told her it was free, she gave me a dollar.

The mother picked out some things and made the oddest comment when her daughter skipped back to the car: “At least she’s wearing underwear”. Um. OK.

The woman from Tulsa was a favorite. She wanted the Abalone shell with all the other seashells in it. I told her it was free. I’d looked at it earlier and felt a nudge to just give it away, and there she was – desperate to have it. She had money, that wasn’t the issue. She wanted it to take home to her other daughter for their yard. She would have paid any price, I think.

She dug through the box of cassette tapes that I accidentally put in the yard sale and picked out two. I would have given them to her, but I felt she’d be offended to not pay some price, so I charged her 25 cents a piece. Everyone abandoned us while they helped with some other customer, and I ended up having this wonderful conversation with her. She’s a Christian, she had four daughters and lost one twelve years ago (eyes filled up with water). I told her I understood. I don’t know how it is for other folks, but I assume it is the same in different faiths: you meet someone who shares your faith and you just know they are on the same “wave length” as you are. We were on that same “wave length” and I bless God that I got to meet her for a brief moment.

Another favorite was an Hispanic woman who really wanted the shoes I had for sale, but she wears a size 8 and they are all 7-7.5 shoes. All new because I bought them, wore them once, and realized they really hurt my feet because of my bunions or the straps or… She knew the value of them & was amazed at my price ($3/pair). That’s beside the point. She bought something, but commented on the hydrangea (center of the pic above). She loved it. Where did I get it? It was her mother’s favorite flower & her mother had several in Mexico.

I cut her two blooms and put them in a vase I was selling and gave them to her. The moment was just right and I was so blessed to see her eyes open with joy and gratefulness. “My mother’s favorite flowers…”

Today was the last day. It was predicted to get into the high nineties. We planned to close shop at 2. No one came before 11AM. We were about to write today off entirely, but the family from Juneau, Alaska came. They’d just moved back here (he’s from here) with their teenagers and two adopted little ones. She’s a teacher at a Montessori school. They really looked at the Camp Chef Cookstove with the barbecue, griddle, and Wok base. $150.

Don tried to sell it to a Boy Scout Troop for $100, but they claimed they didn’t have the money. We’ve used the heck out of this back when we had the F-250 and we could haul the kitchen sink with us camping. Once we had to down-size, the stove became much too big to haul with us. The Camp Chef Dutch Oven table next to it was a freebie to us and has never been used, but they weren’t interested in that. And the $150 on the stove was a bit too much for them, but they gave us their phone number just in case we did not sell it and they could convince the school that it was a good investment.

Meanwhile, the kids found the free toys. The little girl took all the noise-making tools: hammer, saw, measuring tape, wrench. They say things like “You nailed it!”. Obnoxious Grandma toys that my grandsons loved when they were still little and lived nearby. The little boy found the jeep and zoo animal set (he paid me $0.50 because his mom said one free toy was enough – darn!).

I tried to give a bunch of free toys away to a little boy later, but he zeroed in on the collector semi truck instead and paid me $0.50. His older sister, however, had no qualms. “Even the scooter is free?” If it’s on the canvas, it’s free. I don’t think Chrystal really used the scooter.

Next thing I knew, a 13 year old girl was scooting down the street and making a U-turn. That girl knew how to ride it and was thrilled beyond words to have it.

You’d think that would be the score of the day: the joy on kids’ faces – right?

Yes. And no – Montessori school people came back with all the cash they had on hand: $59. Would we take it?

The stove went to a good cause and a good family.

They also took the dinner bell. My neighbor, Bill, gave it to me as a joke when we lived in the country. It’s LOUD. He said I could use it as a dinner bell. It’s been buried in the garage for over 10 years. Montessori family lives in the country with a couple of acres…

While we only made $350 (mostly because we kept giving away stuff), I feel so blessed. We have great neighbors, we were able to make small children smile, treasured items went to good homes, and I got to meet the lady from Tulsa. I don’t plan on having another yard sale EVER.

Thank you to all who helped: Sue, across the street who cannot speak English and who has an infectious giggle (and is an awesome cook); Diane, who made $10 but spent more for her husband; Chrystal and Brian; and all the neighbors who introduced themselves, even if they didn’t buy anything.

P.S. Harvey looks like a Dalmatian again. Tomorrow is supposed to hit triple digits. He’s a very happy dog.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged garage sale, tag sale, vignettes, yard sale | 2 Comments »

Getting Ready for the Big Sale

August 3, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

I think we have an addiction.

We just cleaned out our shed and garage in preparation for a decluttering yard sale next weekend. I could not believe the collection of raw and finished walking sticks we own. These are the ones that were inside the garage and do not include the ones already in the house or in my studio. Mahogany, juniper, pine, fir, yew. We either have an addiction or the very fine starts of an at-home business making walking sticks. We just need to market them.

But not in the yard sale. These aren’t going into the yard sale.

The idea was to clear out the garage so we could park the VW Van inside of it.

Uh – not much room to spare.

Backed in, at least one could open the doors. But even cleaned out, the garage is too small for the van *and* the rest of the stuff we still have to put back in to it.

I did find this. I have been searching for this for 12 years. My friend, Mike, gave it to me when we moved away from Baker City in 1980. It’s one half of a pair of old intercoms from a local (defunct) business in Baker City. When we moved into this house, a lot of things got stored in the garage and there they have stayed, hidden. I have actively searched for this item several times over the years, but the garage clutter kept it hidden from me!

It is in the house now. I can keep in touch with Mike & Janie once again. 🙂

When did we accumulate all of this stuff? Float tube, swimming pool, a 1980’s Mother Earth Magazine food dehydrater, the solid oak high chair that we thought our kids would want as an heirloom… Extra studded tires that don’t fit any vehicle we own.

The white cabinet has been hauled around since we lived on Birch Street in Baker City – 35 years! We have three sets of tire chains that don’t fit any vehicle we currently own. Extra canning supplies, some bike parts, fishing gear, lots of old camp gear…

A temporary dog kennel (still in the box), router and table (router not pictured), garden junk…

A big dog kennel that is still in the box (we got panels for the same size kennel for free after we purchased this).

A hydraulic paper cutter that Don “just had to have” at some school clearance sale.

The cooler is full of rocks. I won’t tell you how many buckets and bags and boxes of rocks we found. The chair is one of a pair we purchased at an auction in Haines, Oregon, shortly after we were married. We had no other furniture.

The second chair we bought, a smoker, the parakeet cage. Outdoor toys for grandchildren who moved away and got big.

Pails of paint left by the person who sold the house to us in 2002. Really? We need these *why*? Four were dried up inside, these five are still liquid.

Cushions to lawn chairs that broke and have been replaced.

A box of toys I bought at yard sales for my grandkids before they moved away. Tickle Me Elmo™ is in there somewhere, too. We won’t part with the Legos™, but Elmo is finally going away…

Toddle chairs and eating trays. The kids will be grown tall and lanky before we see them again and we have no need for these items! They were all second-hand, anyway.

I’ll sell some of my overstock in the china department, too.

I started collecting this when I was 21, but I never collected an entire set and I inherited a nice set, plus my husband bought me a nice set – so it goes.

So much stuff and it won’t seem like we de-cluttered at all!

We’re pricing everything by what *we* would pay at a yard sale and posting a sign that will read: “Don’t like our price? Make us an offer we can’t refuse!”

Everything must go. We won’t do this again for another ten years.

By then, these should all be carved, oiled, and ready to market.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged antique intercom, garage sale, vw van, walking sticks, yard sale | Leave a Comment »

The Loss of Innocence – Faerieworlds 2014

July 27, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

The costume trunk is packed until Hallowe’en. The glitter has been washed off of my face. My sparkly elf-ears are store in their earring box. I have moistened my sunburned shoulders and back several times today, and my leg muscles hurt from all the walking we did at Faerieworlds 2014. This was the last year at this venue at Mount Pisgah near Eugene, Oregon, and it should have had the resonance of a huge celebration of all that is, and has been, the magical realm of the fae brought to us by Brian Froud.

I snapped over 60 photos, so it was not all a loss: there were beautiful costumes and interesting sights, but the magick – the magick was not the same as previous years.

The first hint was when we pulled around the corner of Frank Parrish Road and met the first of the volunteers directing traffic. No satyrs, fauns, or Elven maidens met us: only workers in blue tee-shirts and blue jeans. Their faces were not painted in glitter, they wore no crownlets of leaves and branches: they wore a necklace with an ID tag and they waved us along the way as if we were new to the venue. Always before, there has been a genial wave, a cheer of “good fairy” wishes, and magical creatures along the way to guide us.

It was the same at Will-Call, for the most part. I was glad to be greeted by a fellow actress in full fairy garb, hailed and hugged as an old friend – but the fairies behind the tables were clad in that awful human tee shirt of blue!

Faeries here and there still posed for photos, but many frowned upon having their picture taken and I was left to photograph them from behind, covertly.

From behind was not always flattering! I’m used to seeing this sort of fairy fashion faux pas, and Saturday was Bad Fairy Day! (Those are tasteless leggings, by the way, not a nude bottom.)

Mechanical wings! Where in the magic kingdom could they come up with such a clever (and non-natural) invention?!

Someone forgot to tell some of the visitors that this is the Kingdom of the Fae, not a Steampunk Con – but I suppose the non-fae have to create wings somehow!

A more masculine set of real faerie wings – and faux fox tails. Or maybe they are real coyote tails. I didn’t ask.

I am forever fascinated by the elegance of some wings! This faerie was more elegant from the side!

One of the few veteran actors we saw. This year, there were no trolls or goblins, and precious few actors and actresses making their way around the venue! But always the genial prankster, this Green Man made little kissing sounds at all who passed or gave him compliment!

I snapped the phooto of the Dryad and then learned she was at the Faire to promote someone’s book. She was one of the few silent creatures who played the part and walked the walk. I have the bookmark and will most likely download the book onto my Kindle. Yes, I have forgotten the title of it – I’ll add it to the comments on the morrow.

Yes! Not a faun nor a satyr, but a horned woodland creature. I saw him later with his lady.

The lady was elegant in silver and wings.

This fae had no wings, but was a snake charmer with her three year old ball python adorning her neck. I love snakes. Some folks cringe, but I find snakes to be mysterious and lovely – this one was perhaps quite happy in the heat of the moment, curling around its mistress’ neck.

The jovial bouncer at Oberon’s Tavern – Chrystal said he reminded her of one of the bats from “Fern Gully”. We decided he would not appreciate it and – since we liked him – we wouldn’t tell him.

Only a few times could we coax a group of faeries to pose for us. The antlers lit up after dark.

Three very beautiful faeries!

Many of my photos are stolen moments of faeries pausing in the heat, watching the people, resting their feet…

Posing for other photographers…

(why do faeries slouch?)

Did I mention resting their feet?

This actress may not like our review of her performance. She was unfriendly. Her griffon was adorable and active, well-mannered, and clever. But the lady? She hardly spoke to us, seemed a bit put-off when I approached and spoke directly to the griffon, and deigned to tell us a story about him.

This is not what we have come to expect. You are an actor in a play. My friend, Mary (she of last week’s Ren Faire), often attends events like this with a puppet-friend who will talk your ear off. If not the puppet-friend, then Mary, who will tell you the history, the ecology, and the biology of her friend. No griffon would be left without a name and without a history of existence!

The headdress!!

The royal wings! (Or is that Wizardly?)

The raven-ness!

The feathery-ness!

Oh my gosh! The sugar-plum fairy came out at dusk! Tell me that you do not want to hug that bundle of cuteness??!!

I have seen the jellyfish before – usually, there are several around the faire, but this year, only the one came out, and s/he came out at dusk. It was just as hot last year, so I do not understand the reluctance to engage during the daylight hours, even for an hour.

This is what I love best about Faerieworlds – that anyone can be transformed by their imagination into something else. Another photographer filmed her dancing in her wheelchair, and I have to tell you that it was beautiful.

This was simply annoying. I waved the first time it droned past. It was obnoxious, filming everything and everyone. Granted, when you walk into a venue such as this, changed into another ego, you expect to be photographed and filmed.

That, of course, was another of our criticisms to this year’s event: so many creatures seemed reluctant to be photographed, and even seemed somewhat hostile.

Not hostile like this – but hostile to the idea that you might take their photo and put it up on a blog somewhere, complete with comments.

He was, by the way, a very good drummer.

She hissed at me, but it wasn’t out of character.

She gladly posed, but so many others…

Love the headdress, by the way. Looks heavy and HOT!

CUPID!

More Steampunk madness in the world of the fae.

Gourd heads!

We were disappointed in the vendors. So many of the local, hand-made, and art print vendors were gone, replaced by more commercial vendors. We met one man who was selling hand-crafted items from Mexico, but it was not for a charity. He told us about the women who made the items, but didn’t offer to tell us that the proceeds of his sales would go to help them rise above their living standards.

There were numerous rock-and-gem vendors, but since I frequent rock-and-gem shows, their prices didn’t enthrall me (except one – there was one I really liked who had real prices on her wares).

The macrame vendor intrigued me solely because I saw her working her macrame loom and I understood those were hand-made items – by the artist in the booth. Same for the wool fairy slippers (I took a business card so I can ask for a pair for Christmas)! There was a vendor of small vials that was fascinating, and the seller of mummified fairies.

But so many of the fairy booths of the past were gone: the fairy houses, the intricate masks, the fairy ears and animal horns… A few here and there, but almost a sideline to the ouija boards and tarot card readers. It was as if Hobbiton had been taken over by the Dark Lord. The innocence of the past – of satyrs and fauns, woodland fae, and belly dancers – was replaced with commercialism. Gone were fairy toes and leather-bound handmade books, replaced with – what?

I don’t know. It just didn’t have the ring of innocence of the past. Or maybe that is my daughter’s voice ringing in my ears. She attended several years ago and returned this year, and she said it no longer had that “magical” feel to it. There were just as many drunks (one hit on her many moons ago), but fewer innocents. The Frouds were long gone and the security guards now wear human clothes in the form of blue tee shirts and jeans.

Still, we had a smashing (and I do not mean Wotan the Fairy Smasher) time.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged faerieworlds 2014 | 8 Comments »

Safety Glass – A Cautionary Tale: Faerieworlds 2014

July 27, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

This is a post that, unfortunately, has to be posted. Despite the media attention given to this subject, memes on Facebook warning about this, news articles (online and in print), and the general common sense that one should be born (or raised) with, this scenario continues to happen.

We attended Faerieworlds this weekend: my youngest daughter, her beau, and myself. Temps were predicted to reach the mid-eighties, but they soared into the low nineties under clear skies. I brought home a bit of a sunburn on my shoulders and down my back. We did not drink enough fluids, despite the several lemonades we downed, and our poor feet cramped by the time the sun dropped below the oak trees to give us shade.

Sometime around 3:00, we all trudged back to the car for a costume change. Chrystal found a lighter outfit to wear and needed to change and I needed something from my car. We were parked a good half-mile from the entrance (the earlier you arrive, the further you are parked from the entrance. It’s the reverse logic of the planning staff top park the late comers closer to the gate, perhaps because the latecomers will be leaving later than the early comers). The car was an oven and we opened all the doors to vent it while we primped. We were there a good fifteen to twenty minutes.

Brian and I watched a security guard who was busy trying to break into a camper or small RV. He was being overt, not attempting to hide what he was doing, and he was being careful with all of the closed windows and even the closed top vent. Around and around he went. We exchanged theories: he wasn’t trying to break in and steal – he was too obvious and he was a security guard with a little motorized golf cart. My theory was that there was a dog inside the unvented camper.

The guard had given up by the time we were walking the half mile back to the gate in the baking sun. He was on his two-way radio, speaking to someone inside the venue. The air was full of live music from the main stage, but a break came as we headed out and we could hear the announcement from the parking lot:

Unless you want a broken window in your RV, get out to the parking lot! The announcer went on to make some comments on the intelligence or people who leave dogs inside hot vehicles.

We met a few faire goers on their way out of the faire, but most were in that lazy heat-induced, tired, stroll of weary fey. None looked overly concerned. This led us to make some guesses as to the whereabouts of the owner of the vehicle and how long the security guard would wait before taking a crow bar to a locked window. We estimated we had been out there for 15-20 minutes and it would take us 10 minutes to get back to the main gate. The guard would probably wait for ten minutes to allow someone to contact the faire staff that they were on their way or to show up to rescue the pup. That puts the dog inside the RV for 25-30 minutes, minimum. No doubt it had been inside the RV for some time before the guard was summoned and he began his systematic attack on the security of the vehicle, so let’s say – ten minutes for someone to hear the pooch, walk to security & notify them, and another three or four for security to get out to the RV. Now, we’re up to a minimum of 45 minutes for the dog.

We did not hear the end of the tale. We can speculate, but we were not there when the owners arrived. What we do know was displayed on the grass when we returned to the car later in the afternoon for another break in our walk.

Safety glass in the grass where the camper/RV had been parked. The RV was long gone.

I don’t expect the security guard was too civil when the owner of the vehicle arrived and sound the glass in the grass and their dog lapping water from a stranger’s water bottle.

PLEASE – DON’T LEAVE CHILDREN OR PETS IN HOT VEHICLES!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged faerieworlds 2014, hot vehicles, pets in hot vehicles | 4 Comments »

Back from the Renaissance

July 22, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

I promised my dear friend, Mary (Beyond Mirays), that I would help her at the Canterbury Renaissance Faire near Silverton, Oregon, this summer. It seemed simple enough: a Saturday and a Sunday helping sell the fine artwork my friend creates.

This was not a strict SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) event, so there was a lot of leeway on the costumes. I’m not certain how I feel about that. yet: certainly people took advantage of the lack of guidelines, and the fact that this event is sandwiched between The Oregon Country Fair and Faerieworlds meant that it attracted a lot of, um, er – creative costumes. Faeries abounded.

The Queen made her rounds. She rode her horse through the camp on Saturday morning, visited each vendor during the afternoon, and ended the Faire with a final walk-through. I liked the fact that we had royalty on the grounds for the re-enactment as it made up for the lack of true participation among some of the vendors and many of the visitors.

It was all so – royal. I’m still not used to the shouts of “God Save the Queen”, but I know that if I put my heart into the character played, it would seem quite natural.

This first weekend was my Dress Rehearsal for future events. I do not plan on going to another Ren Faire event this year, but I could hone my dress and acting skills for next year.

Mistress Mary was adept at drawing in prospective buyers and it seemed we always had at least a pair of fair maidens perusing the adornments.

The biggest draw at her booth was the Turret. For a dollar, a child could stick his or her hand into the darkness of the castle and feel around for “treasure” – or rats! The rats were gummy rats or cinnamon-flavored rats on a stick; the treasure was hand-made jewelry for boys or girls. Mary’s ten year old grandson made all the jewelry. It was so much fun to draw the kids in, entice them with visions of treasure, and congratulate them on their prizes (and most were just as pleased with rats as they were with the chap trinkets).

Right in front of Mary’s booth was this diseased alder tree.

It didn’t take me long to develop a story about the fairies who lived there and grabbed at passerby. The tree attracted a lot of male attention – and a few chuckles when I espoused my fairy tree theory. For me, the photos are inspiration for future projects.

This pony was a patient sort and was very much needed on Saturday when the temps rose higher than predicted! It reached the low 90’s on Saturday.

There was jousting, but I did not attend the events. Music, jesters, plays – I felt a responsibility at the booth (when you tell someone you’re going to help out, that’s what you do). We were not far from the main stage and music drifted over us all the time, so I do not feel as if I missed a single thing. The jousting was really for the pleasure of the Time Travelers who came to visit – and it provided a much needed break in the activity of hawking and selling for the vendors. Our feet really needed those breaks!

The fellow with the pet rooster (a Silver Phoenix from Japan) was discussing feathers with a former client of his (whose hat sports the breast and tail feathers of a Silver Phoenix rooster). I liked the irony of the living, breathing pet and the plumage of a former rooster on the hat.

The rooster was a hit among Faire-goers, whether they were of the time period of from the future.

The Queen’s handmaidens were always wandering about, as were the Knights.

The wizard-like character was selling Goblin Ear purses. He was a hoot. He never left character. I talked him out of a business card, so I guess I should purchase a goblin ear from him in the near future. I can use it for other costumes.

Oh, I had so much fun. I can hardly write about that – there’s simply no way to put into words how much enjoyment I derived from the characters, the smells, the vendors, the sounds – and a few of the smiles on children’s faces. There were visitors to the faire that did not understand that they were walking into a play, but they viewed it as a market of sorts (“a flea market” my friend said). They would not engage with the actors (vendors), but walked through as if their sole purpose was to pass from one end to the other as quickly and as cheaply as possible.

They have forgotten how to view the world from the eyes of a child – if ever they knew. You can’t walk into a venue like this and leave your imagination and wonder back inside the television at home. You have to come in, wide-eyed and expectant. The world is all new at a faire: you are in the middle of a play and you are one of the actors!

I did peruse some of the other vendors when Mary and I allowed ourselves breaks from the action. There were some great artists showcasing their merchandise – and there were also a few reselling something mass-produced from somewhere else (yawn). Most everyone was having fun with the play.

Sunday was much cooler. Throughout the day, we could hear hawks overhead but it was not until the later afternoon that I spied them. I walked over to where a small group of knights were staring up into the trees, counting the birds. There were six. I peered up and suggested we were looking at sharp-shinned hawks (or, rather, queried if that was the case). No, those are peregrine falcons.

Of course, I snapped as many rough photos as I could (I was without my 300mm lens on Sunday). I hoped to get at least one identifiable photo out of the bunch to see if I could identify the birds.

This is a link to the Peregrine Falcon. Note the tail – this is important. Also – listen to the bird.

This is the Sharp-Shinned Hawk. See above: note the tail and listen.

The latter bird is the one I heard all day.

This was my best photo. You can see from the links above that it is *not* a Pergrine Falcon. I did look at the Cooper’s Hawk as well, but the song is all wrong. We were looking at Sharp-Shinned Hawks.

Identifying the hawks was a private moment of glory – I really was more interested in the transcendent moment of watching them and feeling the beauty of God’s glory in their awful creation. They were dining on small creatures and I overheard someone say they found a dead Heron chick under the hawks’ nest. Nature is nothing short of brutal in its beauty – and honest.

I love playing “dress-up” and have one more fair slated for this summer – the last Faerieworlds at the current venue (Mt. Pisgah by Eugene, Oregon).

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged acting, Canterbury Renaissance Faire, dress-up, Renaissance Faire, sharp-shinned hawks | 6 Comments »

July 15, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

I need to write, but there is so much I cannot write about at the moment. Life is quite complex. I can blog about Harvey, the Wonder Setter.

Harvey has been a really wonderful dog of late. A surprising dog.

He is not our Alpha dog – that title belongs to Murphy, but every once in awhile, Harvey does something that trumps the pecking order and surprises the humans. Once, he nailed Murphy in a spat over some left-over gravy. I guess you don’t get between Harvey and gravy. He has the waist-line to prove it. (Do dogs have waist-lines?)

We have recently been spotting rats in and around the crawl space of our home. These are the common brown rats, not the big Norway rats that freak me out. We’ve lived in homes where the big Norway rats have come in. Rats are a common problem in the Portland metro area, so close to major shipping lines and major rivers. I even quit feeding the birds so as to not be also feeding the rats.

July 4th, both dogs were on high alert and it was not due to the fireworks. Murphy charged the fence line a couple of times, but there was never anything there. Harvey was always close on Murphy’s heels. We suspected they were bird-watching (there’s always a number of fledglings around and about). They calmed down and took up positions on the edge of the lawn, with a view of the greater portion of the yard, heads up, ears perked forward. Then -they both leapt up and ran toward the shed.

Murphy caught it – a rat. Harvey bulled right in and snatched the rat from Murphy’s teeth. He gave it several fatal neck-breaking tosses before dropping it onto the lawn. He stood guard over it, not permitting Murphy close. Harvey pulled the Alpha Dog card on the rat-catching debut.

Hopefully, that was the one and only rat we have to deal with.

Two nights ago, Harvey took a sudden dive through the little wire decorative fence I have around the island garden (specifically to keep dogs out). I mean: he dove. His whole fat body snaked through the widest opening in the wire (and nearly pulled it down in the process). He snaked – literally – into my big aster, under the wire cage that holds up the faded peonies, under the cage for the aster, and under the low limbs of the tree peony. I was flabbergasted. WHAT THE HECK!

Only moment earlier, a Spotted Towhee had hopped through there and a Song Sparrow had eyed the bird bath. Now, my ninety-pound English Setter was making like a Dachshund without directions. He carved a cave of dying peony branches and aster branches before coming out on the other side.

I yelled at him. My FLOWERS! Granted, they’re not blooming right now, but those asters are my entire September’s worth of bloom!

He heeled and lay down by my feet, but he remained on high alert.

I saw it then: a flash of mouse-brown fur. Rat? or Mouse? Harvey tensed, but he knew he was In Trouble. Hanta Virus tip-toed carefully out into full view, big brown eyes and soft mouse ears on the Big White Dog. Harvey trembled, but he was In Trouble. And Hanta Virus sensed it. She boldly pranced toward our deck stairs.

Harvey couldn’t stand it anymore and broke his hold, dashing in for the – miss! Hanta Virus made it to the safety of the underside of the decking.

Darn! I shouldn’t have yelled at the dog.

Good dog.

Another thing I can blog on: the weather, We’ve been having what I call “Real Summer”. That means, temps above 84 degrees Farenheit. All of Portland is sweltering and complaining (including my Dear Husband). I took my sweater off after lunch today.

It’s too hot to sit upstairs at my computer when we have lovely summer conditions in the metro area. I’d rather be sitting outside in the shade, swatting mosquitoes, than to be sitting up here. If you’re going to have summer, have it OUTSIDE. Therefore, while the rest of the city hides in air-conditioned places (or, in my husband’s case, up in the cool woods) – I am sitting outside in the sun, wishing I was ten, again, and that the Winnemucca Municipal Swim Pool was open. (We’d buy maple bars at Hooft’s Bakery after swimming, and then walk home on the 110-degree pavement. Barefoot, of course. If it got too hot, you walked in the gutters because the concrete was cooler there. You ran across the railroad tracks because the creosote heated up hotter than asphalt.)

Yet another thing I can blog about: my next few weekends are busy, busy, busy. I am going to go help my friend sell her wares at the Canterbury Renaissance Faire in Silverton this weekend (I’ll post links later, when I blog about the faire). I’ve been working on costumes for both days. I should buy a good sewing machine but that would mean I am turning into my mother and I actually like sewing).

The weekend following, is Faerieworlds. My costume this year is very simple. I just want to enjoy the venue and watch my son-in-love with my youngest (they aren’t married, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love this man who loves my girl). It is his first time to Faerieworlds and Chrystal is planning their costumes. Can’t wait!

AND – in August – we are having a yard sale. That should be an epic event. More on that later.

In the meantime – I miss blogging. Summertime is not a good time to try to write in a stuffy bungalow loft (which is really nothing more than a glorified attic). Can you say “sweaty”?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Canterbury Renaissance Faire, dogs catching rats, Harvey, Real summer, Renaissance Faire, yard sale | Leave a Comment »

Northern Flicker

July 12, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

I leaned back in the deck chair, tapping my pen on my notepad. Ninety-degrees, slightly humid – the sort of day that make me feel torpid and I have so much to do. List making: things to do in the early morning when it is still cool (how to fit a whole Sunday into the relative cool of the morning?).
We don’t get many days or weeks like this here. I savor it.
I have the water running on the island. I am using one of the old yellow whirly-gig sprinklers I collected from my father’s back yard in 2011. It’s a good sprinkler and covers a good distance, even when I am also running the sprinkler hose on the border flower bed, as I am doing at this moment.
Harvey is somewhere in the back, as far away from the flying water as he can get. He has an adverse reaction to getting wet, even when he is sweltering. He’s hoping to find another rat in the yard (I am hoping he killed the only rat in the yard, back on the 4th of July).
A flutter and a flash of feathers crosses my vision, right to left. The bird swerves toward me, corrects, and gently lights on the island at the edge of the artificial rainfall.
It is a young Northern Flicker. Red-shafted Flicker in my original bird guide, but now lumped with the eastern Yellow-shafted Flicker into one species: Northern Flicker. The western version has red wing shafts.
His feathers are light brown, spotted. There’s a neat red “Vee” at the back of his head, perfectly shaped. His eyes are dark, round, attentive. A “moustache” of red feathers graces his head, back from his long, curved beak: only the males have a “moustache”. He keeps one eye on me and uses the other eye to hunt in the low bushes and flowers for tiny insects. Ants. He is, pardon the pun, making a killing.
He stays away from the rain, working the hazelnut mulch along the edge, not five feet from where I am sitting. I can see him breathing.
The song sparrow alights on the other side of the Hawthorne, in the rain, his tail flipped up like a wren’s tail. He hops boldly forward, notices the larger bird, and flutters up into the safety of the Hawthorne..
The Flicker stays for long minutes,. hunting ants and gnats, drinking water from up-turned hazelnut shells. I slowly move my hand to my drink and he hops into the rain. He holds for a short second and then flies off to the fence, alarmed that I had moved.
He preens and shakes off the water while he sits atop the fence. Then he spies a spider and tops off his dinner.
He is gone before I can think about retrieving my camera for photos.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Northern Flicker, red-shafted flicker | Leave a Comment »

Close Your Eyes

July 1, 2014 by Jaci Dawn

The sun rises with a vengeance on the Earth, and no clouds intervene. Sun’s rays warm the pavement and the pavement radiates the heat back up into the air. The city swelters. Today was one of those days in the Portland metro area. I am not certain what the “high” of the day was, bit I do know this: the mean temperature is taken at PDX International which rarely represents the rest of the metropolitan area, except on these days when the summer, sun, and Portland collide. The mercury climbed toward the three-digit mark.

It was lovely.

I take my lunch in my car. This can be a freezing situation in the winter, with blankets piled on top of me as I work the Daily Crossword, read a few chapters in whatever book I have on hand, of simply close my eyes and try to nap. Summertime, when the mercury rises, the car heats up. I back it in to the parking spot so the prevailing sun will be on the passenger window, and I install the reflective window shield – not so much to protect the vinyl of my dashboard as to create a shady lunchtime haven. My car is my refuge from work.

We were at 86 degrees (Farenheit) at noon today. A breeze toyed with the radiant heat from the black asphalt. I rolled all the windows down while I ate and worked on the crossword. It was almost too blustery: hot, dry, wind from the east. Still, the car cooled to a liveable 78 degrees (or so – I gauge temperature with my skin, not a thermometer). I finished eating, turned my cell phone alarm on, and then leaned back in the seat with my eyes closed.

Later, someone asked me if I had taken my lunch outside. She was shocked, curious, and concerned. I assured her that I was perfectly fine eating lunch in a hot car. Better than fine, but I didn’t tell her that.

I closed my eyes and imagined myself sitting on a lounge chair under the shade of the cottonwood trees behind the big boulder on Pike Creek, above the Alvord Desert. White dirt, not this red-clay-dark loam soil of the Willamette Valley. White dirt, mixed with alkali dust, reflecting the sun with a brightness that forces the eyes to squint.

Cottonwoods, their dry leaves rattling in the hot breeze. Green towhees meowing. California quail. Chukkar up the canyon calling: chuk-chuk-chuk-chuk-chuk! The hot smell of sagebrush. The trickle of Pike Creek coming down from Steens Mountain: the creek full in the morning and slowly reducing to a trickle by eventide. Mud-daubers and dragonflies. Yellow jackets floating on the tense creek surface: did you know wasps know how to float? Ash-dark lizards peeking over the edge of the rock. Pink rocks. green rocks, Striped rocks. Boulders the size of houses, washed down from the canyon above in some ancient glacial period.

Dust-devils dancing on the playa below.

The soft lowing of cattle down on the fields of the Alvord ranch. Echo of coyotes somewhere. The hoot of pygmy owls peering into the dusky camp. Heat, radiating down, radiating up: Alvord Desert.

Milk shakes at the cafe in Fields, Oregon.

Climbing on top of the house-sized boulders at sunset to watch Fourth of July fireworks down on the playa.

The smell of burnt sagebrush, extending northward to Mann Lake, exposing the boulders: pink, green, striped. The rocks that poured out of Pike Creek are strange and colorful, metamorphic. There are thundereggs up in the narrow mouth of the canyon. Slate and shale make the pathway to the Wilderness entrance. The mine entrance hidden by willows, cottonwoods, rattlesnakes.

Bobcats. Startle Bighorn sheep. Cottontail. Black-eared Jack rabbits playing Kamikaze Jack as the evening sun dips low.

Hot.

Long-horned beetles.

The colors of hot springs: red-yellow-green. Ivory-billed ibis. Flocks of blackbirds. Song of the Western Meadowlark. Basalt rocks spilling out onto the road.

My alarm goes off. I am in Portland. Highway 26 is yards away. MAX runs every fifteen minutes between my car and Highway 26. I have to return to overrated air conditioning and work.

But for thirty minutes or so – I was in Heaven.

I wonder why other people cannot close their eyes and take themselves somewhere beautiful. I wonder why other people hate hot so much. My oldest niece once wrote that she wanted to be a lizard, basking in the sun.

I am a lizard and the sun warms me. The meditation calms me and I return to work, ready for another half day.

On a side note: the Air Conditioning unit broke down for the entire east wing of our building. The building was as warm as 74 degrees and I did not need to wear a sweater to work. It was Heaven.

It probably will be fixed tomorrow when the temps only reach into the 80’s and I will have to wear a sweater. Maybe I will imagine snow falling to make myself feel better. 😉

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged alvord, alvord desert, hot | Leave a Comment »

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