Jaci Dawn

Hi, my name is Jaci and I have too much clutter. But I don’t have enough books. And I really don’t have enough room.

I allowed the loft to get really cluttered this summer and today I decided to do something about it. For one thing, I moved several storage boxes back into the attic (which is about 6′ wide by 10′ long by 4′ tall (but only right in the center). I have to crawl in and out of it on my hands and knees.

I was going to put some more boxes in there but I realized there were photos and negatives in all of them and the attic is the one room in the house that gets really really warm in the summer. They’d be OK through the winter but if I forgot they were in there come summer… I don’t even want to think about it. So I still have four boxes of old journals, photos & negatives sitting in the loft with no place to go.

I dusted and swept and moved some things around to make a little more room in the loft. One thing we have way too much of is knick-knacks and old bottles and rocks. We probably have way too many books, too, but I can rarely bring myself to part with a book. I might give it up and toss all those rocks outside into my garden but give away my books?

books, books, books (the little green curtain is what covers my attic doorway).

This photo is a bit redundant but shows another book shelf full of books (and yes, that is a real antique lava lamp there – and it still works).

And a whole other wall of books.

Trying for another angle on the wall of books.

I even have books in the little corner (that’s a whole collection of Zane Grey in the red covers). On top of those crates is a box of little leather-bound classics that belonged to my paternal grandmother, Sylvia Cusick Wilcox. I think there’s 50 or 75 of the little books & they range from Edgar Allen Poe to William Shakespeare to Longfellow to…

This is just our book collection in the loft. There are more books in the living room, our bedroom, my studio and even the kitchen (if you count my cookbooks. I can’t cook a lick but I collect cookbooks).

While I was doing this I had a brilliant idea. I have resisted trying to catalog the books because I would have to kneel in from of those cabinets and write down the authors, titles & classification (Fiction, non-Fiction and then sub-classification: botany, biology, gardening, self-help, wood working, weather, sci-fi, fantasy, young adults, childrens’, biography…). My knees rebel at the thought! But I could take a photo of each shelf and write down the author & title from the photo using my computer… Hmmmm.

Then there’s this corner:

That’s my yard sale corner and Stuff That Doesn’t Have A Place corner. The photo albums & old journals… a filing cabinet… costumes… Grand baby toys… trunk of extra blankets.

Note to self: next time we buy a house, make sure it has more closets. Or get rid of a bunch of stuff.

I could still toss all those rocks out into the garden.

And there’s the Man Corner:

That’s mostly maps, “N”-scale train parts (he plans on building a whole track & village some day) and a couple boxes of old magazines that I swear could just disappear and he would never, ever know. I could toss those pine cones out, too.

I should toss those pine cones out. But I think he would notice they were gone…

So that is my story. I’m a hoarder of books, bottles, weird knick-knacks and rocks. the rocks could go out in the garden.

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Just when you think life is going to get easier… your orthodontist informs you that you “get to” wear a retainer all the time. Not just at night, but all the time (except when eating) until the teeth remember where they are supposed to stay.

<sigh>

I already have this list of accessories I can’t leave home without.

There’s my glasses. I’m near-sighted so I can run around the house without having to wear them but I have to have them on to drive. Or to watch the TV. OK, the near vision is going and  I need them to read with now, too.

Two inhalers: the inhaled steroid I use twice a day to strengthen my lungs and prevent asthma attacks and the emergency inhaler I have to carry at all times in case I have an asthma attack. I hate the emergency inhaler. Albuterol makes me shaky and cranky. Fortunately because of the first inhaler, I rarely ever actually need the second inhaler. But I have to carry it around, anyway.

The eye drops to treat and prevent glaucoma. The pressure in my eyes has been creeping up there. I don’t want to forget the eye drops. I only have the one vial; many glaucoma sufferers have to use two vials twice a day. I count myself fortunate that it’s once a day. But I can’t leave home without it.

Blood pressure meds. Well, isn’t that a fun one? I have hyper-tension. I don’t even look at risk but it runs in the family and I’m the one who inherited it. I’m so excited about that. Can’t leave home without it.

The SAMe. I could probably leave home without it. I was on Zoloft for years after my little sister died but I weaned off of it about 2 years ago and started looking into herbal remedies. I discovered SAMe on my own and started with half a dose. It makes a difference, especially in the dark winter months. If I go three or four days without it, I can feel myself tipping over the edge. (And, yes, my doctor knows I am using it. he knows I quit taking Zoloft.) Clinical depression not only sucks, it hurts. So while I could probably leave home without it, I don’t want to leave home without it. I’m not pretty when I’m sad.

And now the retainers. Expensive little suckers that I have to keep away from inquiring noses. Expensive suckers that I do not dare toss away with a napkin after eating lunch out. I probably should include a travel toothbrush and toothpaste and floss in my photo because I’m not going to want to put retainers back on after eating without brushing & flossing my teeth. That just sounds gross.

I count myself lucky that I don’t have one of those little pill cases with several compartments with the days on each cap and a load of pills inside each cap specific to the day. I don’t take vitamin supplements (other than the SAMe). I do carry a vial of Arnica pills, however. I bruise easily.

Yep, the things I can’t leave the house without.

Me, Mom. You can’t leave the house without ME. Love, Harvey Albert.

What can I say?

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Today started out pretty nice: I got to sleep in half an hour because I had an orthodontist appointment. After the appointment, I went on in to work.

I thought work would be a piece of cake because I got a head start on today’s work yesterday. And the first two hours of work today left me with that false impression.

Then came one o’clock. My day went downhill rapidly. You ever have “one of those days”? Well, this was two of them rolled into one. I’m thankful I have a CFO with a sense of humor and a boss with a sense of humor because today was one of those “I think I’ll just cry and go home. Or go home and cry. Or cry and go home and cry.”

A little background: I am in charge of printing the checks that pay real estate agents. It is a daily job and one that has to be done on a deadline: I have to be finished before the mail run.

We have a new printer and I’ve had a bit of a learning curve with the new printer. That means I’ve had to void and reprint a couple batches of checks through my own error. Yesterday I had to void and reprint a batch of checks because someone else sent a print job through while I was running checks. It wasn’t anyone’s fault: they had their door closed & didn’t know I was printing checks and we (my boss & I) assumed they wouldn’t print. Wrong.

Today I had something I needed to print before I  tried printing checks (this is probably a good thing because that was how I discovered the new printer was no longer connected to the internet. My computer couldn’t communicate with the printer. I sent out an SOS to out IT people but all I got was the standard reply email that my call would be handled in the order it came in.

Um, NO – my call needs to go to the TOP of the list, people. Paying people has a little bit of priority. So I resent my call out with more information and a deadline on it. Hello? I HAVE TO PRINT CHECKS. No answer.

My first deadline passed. We put in a personal call to one of the IT guys (we aren’t supposed to do that) and he hurried over to fix it for us. He was ticked (not at us) that the first message had not been handled as a priority message and I foresee there will be changes in that.

But that wasn’t the end of my problems. Now I was closing in on my second deadline and I grabbed a new box of checks. Printed away. On the wrong number sequence. UGH. I had to void and reprint 20 checks. By the time I was just getting around to the reprint, my last deadline passed.

We made the mail courier wait while I reprinted checks. After all, there were real estate agents who were waiting to be paid! I think one was waiting at the front counter…

I’m fortunate that we all made jokes about my bad luck. I told my boss and the CFO that I was done for the day and I was going home. They laughed and said good luck with that. As much as I wanted to curl up and cry, they made me laugh. Who else could this happen to? At least I know how to void checks real well now. I’m getting in a lot of practice at it.

I left at 4:45 to make the deposit and head home. As I left I told my boss that I was going to drink the bottle of wine my orthodontist gave me ALL BY MYSELF tonight. I figured I deserved it after my day. (I won’t, don’t worry. Probably won’t even touch it until the weekend.)

Oh. You’re probably wondering WHY my orthodontist would give me a bottle of wine. Well, to celebrate with, of course.

So the day wasn’t a total loss.

ttfn!

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I’m not sure how I am going to wrap this post up so bear with me.

I uploaded several photos from my camera and they are all about the end of this beautiful autumn weather we have been having. But what has been on my heart to blog about is a different kind of ending.

I attended a “leadership training” seminar on Friday. Actually, it was a mandatory training meeting but the venue was the beautiful Waverly Country Club in Sellwood, Oregon, so no one was complaining. And it turned out to be a great training session by Allison Clarke Consulting.

The subject of her training was how do you want your life to look after you are gone? What do you want people to say about you? Were you passionate in what you did? Did you touch a lot of lives for the better? Did you live your dream(s) to the fullest?

There was a lot of food for thought and I have my little notes sitting on my desk where they are saying: You need a ‘bucket list’, Jaci.

I don’t want to climb the highest mountain or bungee jump or do something daredevil. That isn’t me. I’ve always been somewhat cautious and I expect to go on being somewhat cautious because that suits me just fine. But there are things I want to do.

Learn to play the piano, for instance.

Take part in one of those early morning photo shoots of a wild horse round-up. Or just plain hike in to some place where the wild horses are and get my own photos, unstaged.

Hike all the way to the top of Pike Creek Canyon, not peter out at the two mile mark like I do every single time.

Publish a book. Not any book, but a novel. Sci-fi fantasy or something… Well, I have two that I am working on & I hope to someday publish one of them. At least one of them.

The training session was interesting in a lot of different ways. I had to share some of my goals with a partner who is a real estate broker and is also a manager of our entire central Oregon division. He had to share his goals with me in turn. And guess what? Our first goal was the very same goal: to be the best parent/grandparent we could be. To make the phone calls, to make the trips to see the grands, to host the big Holiday dinner, to keep the family connected through the generations. Instead of feeling intimidated by his lofty goals, I found myself inspired to achieve my own: because being a connected grandparent is a wonderful, lofty goal.

I have friends who are connected to their community and live a life of giving. They run in races, organize charity events, and their life is about making a difference.

I haven’t done anything for my immediate community since I pulled my kids out of public school and quit the PTA. I was president of the PTA when they closed our little school. But when they closed the school, I lost all sense of community. I’ve floundered a little.

I have issues I feel passionate about but beyond donating items or money, I have done nothing to improve the world I live in. I feel bad about that – another item to add to my bucket list: Do something for the greater good of my community, even if it is as small as volunteering at our local library’s used book store. I do feel passionate about our local library.

Of course I want to make an impact on the art community with my weird faerie scupltures. Another item for my list: get serious about spending time in the studio and creating.

I have some travel goals. I’d like to go to Ireland and Scotland on a geneaological trek. I want to see New Zealand, especially the diversity of animal life there and the steep mountains. I want to see the Grand Canyon. And there’s so many rabbit trails right here in Oregon/Nevada/Idaho that I still haven’t wandered down.

Some of the goals I had when I was younger have been set aside but I think I should put them back on my bucket list even if they seem unattainable now: ride in a 50-mile endurance race on my own horse. I used to think that Whisper would be that horse, but time – and Whisper – slipped through my fingers.

The speaker who spoke on Friday also talked about engaging people: keeping friendships alive and gaining new ones, making people smile, and touching individual lives. So many people walk down the street and never make eye contact with a stranger or speak to anyone in a store. We rely on email and three-second status updates on social network. We never call people on the phone.

Well, I’m not going to change the phone habit. I hate phones. It kills me to pick up a receiver and talk for any length of time. I can’t think of anything to say. And I am not so certain that writing letters is not communicating well: in the ages past, letters were all there were. But I could write more letters more often and send little cards out.

And I could go out for coffee with my girlfriends once in awhile.

There’s so much to consider when you think about how you want to be remembered. If I want to be remembered well, I need to make a shift in how I approach life and quit holing up inside myself.

I’m not sure how it will all pan out, but I’m going to make an effort to write more, remember birthdays earlier, and call my girlfriends to go out for coffee once in awhile. Picking up the phone to achieve that last one may kill me and you’ll be reminiscing about it at my funeral…

Seriously, though. Life is pretty short. We need to embrace it. The winter winds will be here soon enough and will strip all the leaves from the trees.

Carpe Diem, quam minimum credula postero.

Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the future.

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WOW is all I can say. November has started out beautifully. The rain has been almost nil and the sun has come out to play every single day. Yesterday and today were simply gorgeous (and tomorrow promises to be). Today edged up into the low 70’s (Fahrenheit) setting new records for the warmest November days ever recorded in the Portland metro area.

The trees are just now edging past their full autumn glory and the sidewalks are covered with fallen leaves.

Too soon we will enter the long grey days of winter, but for now the world is full of light and color.

Normally, the landscapers would be out with leaf-blowers, trying to make the business park “presentable” but because of the strong east winds today, they didn’t come out to play. Which is fine by me because I hate leaf-blowers. Categorically hate them: the noise pollution and the artificial “neatness” that is left behind. My theory is that one should let the all the leaves fall from the trees before raking them up (but I suppose cities & storm drains & business park owners do not hold with the same theory).

Since I beat the leaf-blowers (for once), I thought I’d lighten up and show you the beauty of Oregon on a sunlit autumn day. (Some photos were taken with my phone, but the blurry edges seem to work for them.)

ttfn –

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Yesterday I posted all the fun photos from the weekend but the weekend was not all fun and games. We had some serious drama going on.

My youngest has been living on her own (with her boyfriend) for a year and a half now. That relationship came to a screeching halt over the past few days. I have only heard one side of the story and it is all I am ever likely to hear: the ex-boyfriend is permanently estranged. What happened, happened. My girl acted in anger and the consequences run deep.

She was not unjustified and in the same place, I would have made the same call. But the decision put her in harm’s way and she can no longer live in the same apartment – or even allow the ex-boyfriend to know where she is living.

I put all of this to my son-in-law on Friday when he came to pick up the boys. He agreed to leave his Saturday open to help the girl move, and I am so thankful he was there.

The ex-boyfriend did show up. Sam was able to calmly disarm the situation (mind you, he picked up a good sized board and struck a threatening pose and he is over 6′ tall). Sam also made certain Chrystal’s name was removed from the apartment lease so she would not be liable for any damages. In short, he was a knight in shining armor and I feel especially blessed to have him as a member of this family.

Thank you, Sam.

Chrystal is in a safe place now and can start life out on her own – truly on her own, this time.

There was drama in yet another part of my life, too, but of a very different kind. My daughter-in-law is pregnant with her second child. And this child wants to come early. Too early by two weeks.

Kaci has been stuck in a hospital taking anti-labor drugs since late last week. They’ve taken her off of the stop-labor IVs, but she’s on muscle relaxers and strict bed rest for the next two weeks. At least that is what I have gleaned from the couple phone calls and many FaceBook status posts.

Two weeks in a hospital waiting for a baby to come. UGH. I can’t imagine. I’d go stark raving mad with boredom, not to mention not being warm enough or being able to sleep or…

Tonight I put together a little Care package of books from Dover Publication for her and sent it off. Too bad I didn’t know sooner that she was going to be stuck there on her birthday or I could have ordered the books in time for her birthday.

Did I mention she’s stuck in the hospital for her birthday? She missed Hallowe’en with her son, Justin. She’s spending her birthday – well, you get the picture. She’s not a happy camper.

As I understand it, if labor progresses despite all the measures, they will no longer attempt to stop it. But they are actively trying to keep her from going back into labor until the baby is at least 36 weeks along.

Talk about depressing.

So if you happen to think of it, send some prayers up for my girls. I’m thinking they need it right now.

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Friday night, two little boys came over to Poppa’s house to play while their parents & little brother went to a party. Poppa’s house has big dogs and Hallowe’en decorations (spiders, bats, rats, an orc from Lord of the Rings, and a pair of blow-up Space Aliens known affectionately as Jake & Elwood). Grandma is not so much into ghosts & witches.

Javan loved Elwood.

I think Zephan had some sort of Blues’ Brothers’ dance move going on here. How would he know about the Aliens’ namesakes, I wonder?

The orc was the coolest Goodwill find EVER. I can’t believe someone got rid of it. A couple of AA batteries and the thing has this awesome roar. It’s poseable, too. (Spell check doesn’t like that word, but I looked it up: you can spell it poseable or posable. Spell check doesn’t like either one!)

The boys weren’t so sure they trusted the orc, but it didn’t scare them.

We watched The Great Pumpkin, too.

Saturday, I had a Hallowe’en party to go to. Actually, WE  had a party to go to, but Donald got sick and couldn’t go. Too bad because I spent money on his costume. He was supposed to be Poseidon (the party’s theme was Greek, Roman & Egyptian Empires) and I was to be his lover, Medusa. According to myth, that’s how Medusa got into trouble with the goddess Athena: there was a tryst in Athena’s temple that the senior goddess was none too impressed with so she turned the Gorgon’s hair into snakes. Perseus later beheaded Medusa for Athena (and Medusa’s blood gave birth to Pegasus).

I spent hours gluing snakes onto a wig which I then spray painted green.

I was a big hit with the under-12 crowd at the party. And I won a prize for this get-up. I’m still sorry Poseidon didn’t get to go with me.

There was a Coliseum for Gadiator games.

And there were Gladiators of all nationalities: Gauls, Romans, Greeks, and even Vikings.

It was a pretty fun evening, complete with labyrinths, a Rosetta Stone and mysteries to solve. (Thank you, Mary!)

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The Gateway is Dead. I think I had it for 12 years? I’m really not certain how long it’s been around – a decade at least and no less. It’s been a decent computer and stored a lot of memories.

Memories that I backed up diligently after our brush with the Blue Screen of Death two years ago. The nice Geeks at PC Pieces in Oregon City revived the Gateway and retrieved all my old data – and didn’t charge me an arm or a leg, but a little bit of petty cash. I am forever grateful.

When I got the Gateway back, I discovered that I did not save all my “keys” to Microsoft Works and I lost my photo-editing programs. I downloaded a couple free photo shop programs (I’m in the market again) and I paid for Microsoft Office. And this time I kept my product key in case the Gateway died again.

I’m thankful I did because the motor in the Gateway gave up the ghost a little over a week ago. I’ve been using my husband’s Compaq with Vista Premium on it. I hate Vista. And the Compaq doesn’t have my files or photoshop or MS Office. My music languished on my back-up drive.

Thus began a search for a new computer. Well, a tower, really: my monitor is perfectly fine. I went to all the usual places: the local Fry’s ads, the Dell discount emails (we have a Dell discount through my employer), and going to Best Buy. I don’t like Best Buy (although I cannot give you a definitive reason why. Maybe it is the countless salespeople standing around like vultures or maybe it’s the prices… Best Buy is definitely NOT the best buy around). I like Fry’s, but I hate going in there: it’s dim, it’s noisy, it’s crowded, the aisles are so packed with items, and it’s media over-load. It’s an HSP’s worst nightmare.

The Dell discounts weren’t enough to warrant purchasing a Dell – besides I’d have to do it online and I’m a very visual person. I like to actually see what I am buying.

Thursday of this week I had a brilliant notion: Office Depot! it’s kitty-corner to where I work  and they sell computers. So I went over on my lunch hour. I found three towers in my price range. I looked at laptops, too, but I’m not fully convinced I need the Internet to be that portable. I’d just waste time on Facebook. Sure, I could say I was getting a laptop to work on my writing during my lunch, but I know darn well I’d waste the time. Besides, I have this perfectly fine monitor.

The salesman was nice enough. He immediately dismissed my interest in a slimline by HP and directed me instead to a Compaq with 2GB memory or a Lenovo with 4GB memory and a 500GB hard drive. He explained that the HP with 3GB memory & a 640GB hard drive was 1) the display model & had been turned on and 2)the slim lines are tiny, so the components are tiny. But he thought I’d like the Lenovo which was a huge monster with all kinds of ports & card readers (including a PS2 port). I decided to sleep on it.

Today I went back in. I bypassed the original salesman and went back to the computers. I thought I had decided but there I was – undecided again. This time a new salesman approached and when I explained my situation (price and the 3 computers in my range), he made a surprising gaffe. He didn’t hesitate.

He blurted out, “Well, if I was buying a tower in that price range, I’d absolutely buy that one…” and he pointed to the HP. He wasn’t intimidated by the size (or lack thereof) of the components. He admitted to not liking Compaq. I’d already eliminated the Lenovo because of its size – I have limited space in my studio with the slanted ceiling. I was already leaning heavily toward the HP.

After declining all the added-on expenses they try to sell you (extended warranty, Office Depot tech support, McAffee antivirus), I finally agreed to pay $30 to have recovery disks made. I could probably make my own, but it takes hours and if they were willing to do it… Well, I’m more than happy to let them do it.

I walked out $400 poorer but much happier.

For the next few days I will be resetting all my favorites, downloading all my old programs, getting all my old data transferred… It’s a daunting process and time consuming! But at least I had it all backed up.

And how do I like my new tower?

Well after I finally figured out that the ON button is on top of the tower (no schematics came with the computer), I am so far impressed. It’s fast. Windows 7 is a step above Vista. And I love the new keyboard.

I think we will form a very good friendship over the years.

Now – I need to find a recycler for the old Gateway (after I erase my hard drive). My old keyboard will go to work with me… I hate the keyboard they gave me at work.

I’m happy tonight.

P.S. – I paid less than the advertised price because it was “used”. 🙂

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I am going nuts. It isn’t not having a computer necessarily that is driving this, but the fact that I bruised my right knee somehow and I can’t do much in the way of bending or kneeling or climbing stairs. It’s better tonight (lots of ice), but the past few days (Sunday, Monday and today), I have been relegated to something akin to bed rest.

I need to go up and clean my studio so I can do something, but that means a lot of kneeling & bending. Nix that.

I can’t sit at my computer upstairs because it is… dead.

I read one book but I am loathe to start another.

The truth is: I can’t sit still that long any more.

I’ve watched several episodes of an obscure Fox Network television series on Netflix (“Firefly” – can’t imagine how I missed it back when it aired except to say we don’t watch much Fox TV). And I hate sitting still to watch TV.

So while Don is sitting here watching NCIS tonight and I can’t do anything kinesthetic, I find myself – Lost.

I have a great idea! Share some of Don’s photos from his week off hunting. He did not bring me home a chukar, but he took some great photos. (He did kill some but he ate on the road. I can understand: the logistics of bringing a dead bird home to his poor wife are daunting: he’d have to keep it on ice and ice melts in coolers. Oh well. Next year he’ll bring me home a chukar to eat…)

Birds and boredom aside, I have to choose what photos to share. Well, that isn’t terribly hard. Don took some great photos of bullsnakes.

We believe you never harm a bullsnake.They are great rodent hunters and they’re beautiful. Really beautiful. Well, you never harm any snake, even a pit viper like a rattlesnake – so long as you can avoid it. I mean avoid the snake and avoid harming it.

OK, maybe the average person doesn’t think so, but I do. Look at that beautiful pattern.

Bullsnakes often imitate rattlesnakes, even going so far as to shake their tail in a false “rattle”. I’ve never seen it. I’m just telling you what I have read. The snakes Don saw didn’t want to leave the warmth of the road they were on and he had to prod them off with a stick.

What I can tell you with absolute certainty is that a bullsnake was once nearly the death of me. Really. My family still laughs about it. I get no respect.

We were making our way around the perimeter of Borax Lake, walking in ankle-deep salt grass. Snakes love grass. Snakes in the desert really love grass: it is cool.

I was repeating my Mom-Mantra: “Watch For Snakes.” My children were blithely ignoring me and happily plodding through the grass. I was eyeballing every step.

And I still nearly stepped on the head of a Very Large Snake with a diamond pattern skin. I froze. Time froze. My heart skipped several beats. Then I realized the head was blunt and round, not triangular.

Damn bullsnake.

I let the snake cross underneath my feet and began to breathe again.

But that was the only one that ever startled me to that degree.

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My computer. So – if I do not post a blog for a few days, it isn’t me that’s gone. It’s my computer that is dead.

I have everything backed up & hopefully I have the password to all my programs saved or memorized so when I get a new computer, I can reload the photo shop programs &c. Gonna be interesting…

Not sure when I will get a new computer – I really just need a new tower. I know Don will want me to buy a new one. I’ll see. I’m not making a decision today.

I may decide on a laptop, but I’m still mulling it around.

And then I’ll have to recycle the old computer (which is well over 10 years old).

In the meantime, I will borrow Don’s computer when I can.

How fun is all this?

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