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AUGH! (C-T Scan Results)

Oh for crying out loud. I prayed God would let me fast-forward to knowing all the answers but apparently He (and I’m thinking right now He must be a HE) thinks I need to go day by day, hour by hour. No fast forwarding.

I heard from the urologist today. Well, his nurse called.

1. There is a kidney stone, but it is a really tiny one and will pass by itself with no medical intervention. I am hoping that translates into “a minimal amount of pain” (having Been There/Done That and Bought the T-Shirt). If my personal doctor is to be believed, a kidney stone of that size could not possible produce the amount of blood I was seeing at the beginning of January. But my personal doctor could be wrong. He’s a GP, not a specialist.

2. There is a polyp inside my gall bladder. Say what? How weird is that? Did I need to know that? It is “probably” and “more than likely” benign. But just in case, I need to have an ultrasound to look at the gall bladder and liver. That sort of freaked me out until I did a little online research: the liver and gallbladder are close. Yo have to look at the liver in order to look at the gall bladder. I happen to know my blood work (I had a complete work up done) shows my liver is functioning just fine.

A polyp? They’re going to look at it, declare it benign and forget about it. And this is costing me how much? I’ve had polyps. I’ve had polyps removed. We will not discuss where or why or anything else: they were benign. They’re the internal skin tags. Face it, I have skin tags. And moles. A lot of moles. I hate moles.

(My youngest just got a Monroe piercing. This is a piercing through the upper lip where Marilyn Monroe had a mole. It’s very “chic” to get a Monroe piercing. And, frankly, it looks cute on Chrystal. Painful, but cute. I just don’t understand why anyone would want to pretend they have a mole. I have several on my face I’d like to give away. HAHAHA.)

Just trying to be funny, Chrystal. You look cute with your piercing.

I digress (but she does look cute).

I have not scheduled the ultrasound. That’s something I will do tomorrow.

3. The urologist wants to do one more thing before he rules out all the possible causes of hematuria (I’ll let you look that up). He wants to do a cystoscopy. I don’t even want to think about that because it requires a catheter. I’ve also BTDT and didn’t want to buy the T-Shirt. Oh joy.

Here comes some TMI (Too Much Information): he wants to scrape the inside wall of my bladder. Oooooooh. That sounds… well, thinking of adjectives and coming up dry.

(Did you know that the human mind begins losing track of nouns and other words when you turn 50? It’s a natural progression of age. To me, it’s worse than losing my car keys. I love my words. I love adjectives and nouns and descriptive phrases.)

I have no good descriptive phrases for what I imagine a cystoscopy to be like.

What I do have words for is how soon I can have this lovely procedure performed: not until April 4.

APRIL??!! You are kidding me! Are urologists really that booked up? Are Americans truly that messed up that they need to book up urologists?

I’m healthy. My blood tests came back and I have low cholesterol, I’m not anemic, my kidney & liver functions are perfect and and and… I am not in any pain.

I just happen to be bleeding and no one can figure out why. And they sure are not in any hurry, either. Well, my personal doctor was in a hurry but up here on the you-need-to-see-a-specialist level of life, everything slows down to s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n.

Well, I have too much life to live. I set the appointment (April 4). I’ll call about the ultrasound tomorrow. And then I’m going to make plans to do some fun things, some things that don’t require wondering why the doctors were all alarmed in the first place but now they seem to be lackadaisacal. If I had a teenager in the house, she would say, “WHATEVER.” And roll her big blue eyes. (Arwen was the Whatever Queen with the rolling eyes accent.)

If in doubt, fall back on the Ground Rules. Only post funny comments, please. I won’t be offended if you don’t take me seriously.

Seriously.

(PS – tell Chrystal how cute she is. She doesn’t know I just used her photo and made fun of her piercing. That was unfair of me. She’s cute. She’s pretty. My lip hurts thinking about it…)

ttfn~

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Mustangs & Mom

I have been mulling over how to write a blog post about the wild horses of Nevada. I want to bring attention to what is considered by some to be illegal round-ups of the mustangs off of Federal land (specifically Bureau of Land Management land) within the State of Nevada. But I don’t want to jump into something that I am not fully informed on and go off half-cocked.

The issue is complicated. My thirty years of marriage to a man with a wildlife management degree (almost) under his belt helps me see some of the “other” side to the arguments. When I met Don, I was an anti-hunting radical. Our first date (walking his trap lines in two feet of snow out of Sumpter, Oregon) changed much of my thinking (it was also incredibly cool that we got up close and personal with a herd of elk as they walked through a barbed wire fence. Elk think nothing of fences).

I understand complicated eco-systems, the delicate balance of different species in one area (especially when those species compete for the same food sources and vie for the same limited water supply), and the need for a balanced approach to “multiple-use” Federal lands. There are days when I spout vile rhetoric at the US Forest Service because of their tendency to manage forests solely for the logging industry and the screaming eastern liberals who want more and more of our National Forest land cut off from the public in order to “preserve” it. Those spouts are generally when I come upon a road I have always used to find out the Forest Service has “decommissioned” it because there’s no more logging in the area. Nevermind the camping, hiking, hunting and fishing: there’s no money in those uses.

But I digress.

How to write about wild horse round-ups when I am not there to observe and substantiate the “facts”?

I decided to add a few links at the end of my blog and let the reader decide. My story is just going to be about how wild horses helped me grieve. And, oddly enough, my mother didn’t even like horses. She never understood my fascination with them but she never tried to impose her personal feelings on the subject.

We moved to Ely, Nevada in 1970 when I was entering high school. I was involved with the movement to save the wild horses. I sent in ten dollars, got some sort of certificate, and helped write letters to our Congress to pass the Wild Horse Preservation Act of 1971. I’m sure I sent more than just the $10, but my memory is foggy and that photo album is buried in a box. And it really isn’t relevant to my story: I am just setting the foundation.

Years passed, I moved away, got married, had children and ended up living in the Portland metropolitan area of the northern Willamette Valley. A long way from “home” and my beloved alkali Great Basin roots.

In 1996, my mother passed away. We set her memorial service for the first week in August and I returned home to make my plans.

We took a two week vacation to make the trip down, planning (as always) to do a lot of back-country camping.

Our first stop in Nevada was up in the Santa Rosa Mountains. A lot of memories are packed into the Santa Rosas: childhood camping trips, petroglyphs my dad took us to see, living in Paradise Valley, the wonderful rock formations of Hinckey Summit, and snow drifts in the summer.

The view from the summit south toward Paradise Valley.

It was the end of July, going into the first week of August and the thermometer dropped to 25 degrees (F). We had a light snow on our tent that first morning.

From there, we headed to Winnemucca. We turned east on I-80 as far as Elko where we turned south and drove down to Jiggs. We followed a dirt road over Harrison Pass looking for a good spot to pull over and camp. the best spot we found was covered with fresh cow poop (love open range!) and – worse – human garbage, including disposable diapers. We could have lived with the cows but having to clean up disposable diapers did us in. We kept driving. Don’t even ask me about the soap box topic of human filth leaving behind their trash.

We turned south along the Ruby Marshes. We came to a crossroad where the old Pony Express trail runs east-west across the desert. A wide gravel road followed the trail and, on a whim, Don took it.

That was when we saw our first pile of horse shit.

It was, literally, two feet high. There were more, sometimes three feet high. Horses are “bathroom” animals and will go out of their way to poop in the same spot rather than pollute their own pasture. You don’t see it as much in domesticated horses as in the wild. I wish I had taken photographs but Don was tired and cranky, the sun was low and we really needed a place to camp.

We had a good Nevada Atlas and a good map of Federal lands in Nevada. A few miles east of Johnson Cabin, we turned north along a jeep track and four-wheeled out into some deep sagebrush along a dry wash, looking for a good place to set up a tent on National Forest land.

We found a great spot among the dried out skunk cabbage, on a little rise above what was probably a mini-marsh in the early springtime. The grass was deep, the sagebrush was tall (a good sign of deep water), and the junipers were twisted and ancient. And the dust in the wash was full of horse tracks. We’d seen one herd on our way in and assumed that herd used the wash as a trail of sorts.

We were so wrong. There were so many more horses. The horses knew we were there. We could hear them. That evening, we heard at least one small band go by. I hiked out with my camera and snapped photos. They preferred the ridges where they could see danger approaching.

I was shooting an old Kodak 35mm SLR with ASA 400 film using a 75-200mm zoom. It just wasn’t long enough.

The grief in my heart over losing my best friend was temporarily suspended as we counted the different herds that passed by.

That night, coyotes moved in and surrounded us, serenading wildly. Sadie, our English Pointer, snuggled closer to her human pack and shivered. She was a stupid dog, but never stupid enough to wander out into coyote territory.

The next morning, Don got up and hiked up the draw. I let the kids sleep in while I sat on a chair and caught up on my journal and plotted how I might sneak up on some wild horses. A slight sound startled me and I looked up: a mule deer buck stood a few feet from me, upwind, curious.

“Hello,” I said. He just stared. Then sight recognition kicked in and he realized I was a human being and he stepped back into the sagebrush, melting away in the way of the mule deer.

We broke camp and headed out.

There’s a part of every little girl that falls for a Palomino stallion. There he was on the skyline, pushing his little band of six or seven down the ridge.

Don turned off the engine and I slipped out of the cab, sneaking up into the juniper and pinion, hoping to get close enough for my little lens to capture the wild west. My intrepid little family followed suit, leaving only the dog in the cab. The dog was wise enough not to bark.

He charged us. Threw up his head and whinnied, and raced at us, flaxen mane and tail flowing out behind him. The lead mare, a gimpy bay horse, rounded up the rest of the band and started them on their way away from us.

He stopped about 300 yards out. I so wished I had a better lens. I could see him clearly but the camera couldn’t: his nostrils flared, his head was high: he was trying for scent. I prayed the wind would hold. But he was too wise and whirled, chasing his little band away.

In all, we saw seven bands of wild horses, none over eight horses, all in that one little section of horse-poop heaven. One band of three “bachelors”. And not one unhealthy horse, except the gimpy mare and she moved quite well on three legs. The grass was deep, the sagebrush tall, and the water hole pocked with horse tracks.

My heart, so heavy over the loss of my mother, soared.

We related the tale in Ely. My dad, that long-time Forest Ranger and horse hater (or so I thought) then related to me some tales of his own about some of the beautiful wild horses he had seen on the range during his years as a Ranger. Turns out, he had a soft spot for horses that he never wanted me to see. He even deeded me his old tack, the bridle he used on his favorite half-broke Forest Service outlaw, a blue roan known as “Smokey”.

Our return trip to the Willamette valley was not as eventful. We took Highway 93 north until the Secret Pass cut-off. I talked Don into going over Secret Pass.

There was a range fire down by Ruby Lake.

We crossed over the mountains and headed back to Oregon via Mountain City and Bruneau Sand Dunes in Idaho.

My heart was still sad about the loss of my mom, but it was so much lighter. I knew it had to do with the mustangs. There’s something about wild horses, something about the freedom of the range and mule deer that come down into camp to say “good-morning”.

My mother’s ashes rest over the Santa Rosa Mountains far from the wild horses. I’m sure she’s happy there. <wink>

Some links you can go to if you are curious about wild horses in Nevada:

Editorial

PhotoRover (my high school friend, Arla, with a Nevada perspective)

Controversy

Please note: my photos were taken in 1996 which was apparently a good water year. The vegetation is thick and green, spring was very late (remember it froze in the Santa Rosa Mtns in late July), graze and water were good.

I have been among wild horses in Oregon since that trip to Nevada. Still not up-close-and-personal like my friend, Arla. I’m still dreaming of a trip into Kiger Gorge to see the Kiger Mustangs which date back to the original Arabians.

I cannot comment personally on the video-tapes or editorial of BLM cruelty during round up because I was not there. But I am certain there is a bit of truth to the sensationalism and that bit of truth makes me sad. The wild horse is not just an icon: it is a native animal. It belongs on the open range with the white-faced cattle and the curious mule deer. (I love cattle on the open range!)

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Food Critics (& Harvey)

I was so tired today. So, so, so tired. And just sort of waiting for the world to end as we know it: a slight pain in my left lower back (about a .5 on a scale of 1-10) and actual blood in the urine. I suppose a kidney stone is just not an emergency to a doctor. But, all things considered, the pain is minimal, I will call the doctor on Monday and the pain is minimal. (I passed a kidney stone once before. It was not a .5 on the pain scale. It was a 15 on the pain scale of 1-10. Yes, a 15. If this one is a .5 and stalled, I am fine. Really.)

But, seriously – back to today.

The boys came over. Three of them anyway. Two of them are still in Colorado. The three that came over took over my house, foiled Harvey on his Saturday WALK! program, and pretty much took over my life. We played with blocks, Legos â„¢, ate crackers and watched “The Land Before Time”. Zephan was very sad when the T-Rex finally died.

Wait. What? He wasn’t rooting for Littlefoot or Sera? Nope: my boy was worried about the T-Rex. Good boy.

He helped me make cornbread for dinner. He stirred the mix up with milk and egg. He’s a very good mixer. I think this kid has a future in baking.

We presented the dinner on carefully arranged plates designed to tease the pallette.

The meals: chile + corn + cornbread. Zephan’s is on the left & Javan’s on the right.

Food Critic #1 – Javan. He filled up on crackers before dinner so had no comment on dinner. Wait. He ate all of his corn. The canned corn was good.

Critic #2. He also stirred the cornbread.

There’s corn & chile left, but the cornbread is gone. Good job, Zephan!

Food Critic #3.

Wait. He was eating canned baby food. How can he possible critique my cooking?

I just included him because he is so adorable. What can I say??

So – no photos for the rest of the day but I really want to brag on Harvey. He was so awesome. He expected that today was Walk Harvey Day because it was Saturday. But the boys came over and thwarted all of Harvey’s plans. Talk about disappointed. Have you ever disappointed a dog? It’s really sad.

Around 3PM, we decided to walk to the park. Arwen pulled out the stroller for Javan and Eli and I was designated to hold Zephan’s hand. On a whim and a lot of trust, I got Harvey out to walk with us. He weighs 70# or so. He gets very excited. And I really, really want this dog to be good with my grandsons.

He was awesome. He seemed to understand that we had to walk slower and he could not pull on the leash much. He toned it down and walked at the heel, tail wagging, and at “toddler speed”. We went to the park where all the smells overwhelm a dog like Harvey but he kept it reined in. And at the playground area, he really toned it down. He tucked his tail between his legs and shivered, but he stayed under control the entire time. He met my next-door neighbors and he greeted a shy little girl named “Una” who really wanted to “pet the doggy”. Una approached Harvey correctly and shyly and I got down with Harvey to control him. He was awesome. He let her pet him, he wagged his tail and he basically ignored all other stimuli.

And on the walk back home we met two little yappy dogs on a leash. I had Zephan on one hand and Harvey on the other. Harvey hesitated a little but complied with the “sit” order and waited until the yappy dogs were past. he didn’t try to pull me or Zephan off course.

He was, in short, a gentleman. An English Setter. A wonderful gift to me.

In return, he got to clean the dinner critics’ plates.

Left overs belong to the dogs. 🙂

ttfn!

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While I Wait…

So – no news is good news, right? because i have no news. Actually, that isn’t such good news because I am still bleeding & I still need answers, but I guess the C-T Scan results are still not at the doctor’s office, so I am still waiting.

Thankfully, I have no pain & the bleeding is down to microscopic. But – whiner that I am – I still want some answers.

And since I don’t have answers, I thought I would post a link to my Photo 365 project as it now stands.

Image hosted by Webshots.com
by jacidawn

ttfn~

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Hurry Up and Wait

I had a C-T Scan today. It was the most fun I’ve had since this whole “what-is-wrong-with-Jaci” adventure began six weeks ago. I say that without sarcasm. Mind you, I am not in pain at all but my doctors think something is wrong with me and it has been suggested that “that something” is a huge kidney stone.

I won’t get the C-T Scan results until tomorrow or even Wednesday, so I’m still up in the air as to what is going on with me.

Thirty years ago I passed a kidney stone. That was the pain from — well, somewhere. I thought I was going to die. This past history has a lot to do with why the urologist thinks this all might be a kidney stone. Apparently once you’ve passed one or two, you’re always a candidate for more. Even if you’ve changed your diet & dumped the sodas & calcium drinks.

The doctors put me through the 1980’s version of what I am going through right now. It was a lot different in 1981.

I remember they put an IV in my arm and put some iodine dye into my blood stream. Talk about feeling “warm and fuzzy” all over: it was the hot flash that never stopped happening. A very strange feeling, like all my blood vessels heated up from the inside. And then – oh, this is the kicker – they took x-ray imaging of me while I stood and emptied my bladder.

THAT was fun. I say that with sarcasm. Humiliating.

The end result was: yes, I had passed a kidney stone and yes, I could probably expect to pass more in my lifetime. Most would be smaller & probably cause only a little bit of discomfort. And through the years, I think I have passed a few but none that hurt like that first one did!

Flash forward to now and the current screening for kidney stones. Thirty years makes a lot of difference.

Same IV, but the iodine dye is mixed a little differently and you don’t even know they’ve injected you (except for the pulsing at the base of the needle in your arm). No warm fuzzy feeling. I rather missed that warm fuzzy feeling, but I also liked having hot flashes while they lasted. It was the only time in my life that I was spontaneously warm enough to walk around without a sweater and wool socks on.

And no ponderous x-ray machine. Or full bladder: I was told that I should not have anything to eat or drink for at least 4 hours prior to the C-T scan. Can I just say “whew?” because that full bladder thing with the first x-ray thing and subsequent ultrasounds during pregnancy just killed me.

The scan itself really was the most fun I’ve had since this whole business started. It was fascinating and benign. I am serious: it was actually rather fun.

I was a little worried about it. I had an MRI a few years ago when I tore the meniscus in my left knee: talk about claustrophobic! And I didn’t even go all the way into the machine, just waist down. And noisy! Dang thing clicked and whirred and banged incessantly.

The C-T Scanner is more like a giant donut than a tunnel. And quiet. A calm voice spoke out of the machine and told me to inhale deeply, hold my breath. The scanner whirred into action, sounding a little like the white noise of traffic on a rainy morning or a UFO getting ready to take off. The gurney moved in and back out and the nice voice told me I could breathe again.

I was there for 30 minutes, tops.No time to feel claustrophobic or get cold, even.

Now I have to wait for the results.If the urologist is right, then there is a kidney stone the size of … of… (how big can a kidney stone be?) a golf ball, then. And once the kidney stone is located, then I get to have the dang thing blasted.

That won’t be as much fun. I’m not keen on anesthesia. I especially do not like waking up from anesthesia with the chills and shivers.

At this point, I just want this all over so I can reclaim my lost six weeks. No, I haven’t put my life on hold – I have been very busy creating – but my mind has been on hold. It’s unbelievable how much worry a person can drum up simply by not knowing the answers!

At least I know that advances in medicine have brought us cool space age toys like C-T Scanners that look like giant metal donuts and sound like UFOs.

And ceiling murals that pretend to be windows looking up at a sunny spring day. Yeah, that part was really special: cottonwoods and locust trees in bloom against a clear blue sky. Except I happened to know it was dark, wet, rainy, and clearly not cottonwood time.

But I appreciate the thought.

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For ME!!

Today was my oldest grandson’s third birthday. And what a birthday it was! I wish I could share lots of photos but I discovered (too late) that I had a dying battery in my camera.

We drove over to celebrate with Zephan and his little brothers. Several friends came over, too. Zephan told me that pung-ung (soft ‘g’ sound) was there and I am so proud that I figured out he meant “Sponge Bob”. (This is funny: Javan actually says “Sponge Bob” but when Zephan says it, it comes out in toddler-ese.)

I love toddler-ese: hekilopper (helicopter), lalamowah (lawn mower or water melon, depends on the context of the sentence), gammapa (grandma & poppa run together).

The summary of Zephan’s birthday is this:

Unadulterated joy.

It was a baby-fest: three babies under 1, two under 2, and Zephan’s friend, Titus, plus the Z-Man himself.

We left around 4. The clouds were low, the wind was up, and the air had the feel of possible tornadoes. We watched several dust-devils and down-drafts come at us: the branches of tall firs swirled downward and leaves on the grass swirled upward, then the steering wheel bucked in my hands. One such down-draft hit us pretty hard and must have scared the driver in the small car next to us: he slowed to 55MPH. Speed limit is 65 & I didn’t slow, but I paid a lot more attention to that steering wheel the rest of the way home. It was a beautiful sky (I love storms) and I wished we could have filmed the down-drafts. You just have to take my word for it.

No tornadoes, though. Just rain, and that came after we got home and had dinner.

The mail was here when we got home and there were two special items in the mail-box for me. (I can hear Zephan: “for ME!!” as he ripped into his presents…)

For ME!!

A Shibori Stitched-Resist Heart from my friend, Karyn. I didn’t photograph the other side, but the whole thing was stitched together as a cloth postcard. My husband was very impressed.

There was also a little white box in the mail. I told Don it was “my stove”.

Terry sent me the stove. He can’t remember how he came to own it, but it reminded him of the Dead Fly Pub. Guess now I have to make a faerie house to put the stove it… 🙂 I’m loving the challenge! And yes, it is cast iron (for the most part). 3.5×3.5″

I think I’ve already decided on some of the fabric to use on the next faerie house:

No, not the Man-in-the-Moon, but the fabric I planted him against. Really cool material.

The Man-in-the-Moon is a little project I did tonight. You can read about him here.

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Ground Rules

If you have been paying close attention, you will have noticed that my recent blog posts have something in common with each other. From rainbows to a duck I named “Hope” and on back to finding magic in everything about us, I have been setting down a ground work. From this foundation, I hope to build upward.

I have been dealing with a health situation that has made me think about mortality. No, I am not going to die. I probably just have some very large kidney stone stuck in my kidney. Don’t worry: I am not in any pain. But the events that brought me to this point have had me thinking seriously about the “what if’s”.

So seriously that I decided to draft a list of “rules” in the event I ever have to face down some life-threatening demon. Here’s what I came up with:

1. you have to keep me laughing.

2. you have to laugh at least once a day.

3. you cannot scream “OMIGOD” or say “I am sorry”. Not allowed.

4. you have to be upbeat and positive.

5. you have to believe in magic.

6. stop and smell the roses.

7. you need to understand I have faith in something much greater than this, and put up with it. I promise not to be preachy in return.

8. make a bucket list, even if it is just something like “tour the Pittock Mansion before I die” or “ride the elevator in Oregon City for the heck of it”.

9. never lie to your kids, even if it is hard to tell them the truth.

10. admit you’re wrong when you are wrong.

11. do not be afraid to ask for help. (I put this on my list because of what my friend, Ellen, did when she was dying of Stage IV Ovarian Cancer: she made a list of things people could do to help her and let people pick a date/time when they wanted to fulfill that need. Specifically, she let her friends buy her dinner the night before chemo. It was a wonderful way to be connected to her throughout the whole five months that she fought death.)

Can you think of any more? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I would especially love to hear from those of you who have had to stare down a life-threatening demon (like breast cancer): what was the one thing you wish people would have said or not said when you were going through it? Be tough and be honest.

 

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I have a couple serious posts to put up, but today I thought I’d post something on the fun side of life. Well, maybe it wasn’t fun for the one goose, but I had fun taking the pictures.

Normally the geese are rather boring. They goose-step, poop, sidle away, stop traffic and so on, but for taking photos: they’re boring. Except for his (her?) ID tags, old XW46 is boring. XW46 has been around for a couple winters now.

Just geese hanging out at the local pond. Doing a little “posturing” for dominance.

Maybe even bragging about themselves to the other geese.

Swimming off to be alone, together.

The goose equivalent of a quick shower.

Making sure everyone knows just how big and tough you are, especially those pesky mallards.

And then taking off from the water…

Right into the side of that rival goose on the other side of the pond!

Look at that other goose get out of the way.

An idyllic backdrop to goose violence.

Must be mating season. The geese are getting cranky.

We left the geese there and returned to the office where we were greeted by…

A rainbow!

And I can’t help but look at a rainbow and feel the promise. And that is a good lead-in to tomorrow’s blog post.

ttfn!

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Old Photos

I was looking through old photo albums and came across a few treasures.

Cross-country skiing at Mt. Hood Meadows! Levi with the funny pose, Arwen with the sexy orange sunglasses and me in my home-made knickers.

I miss skiing.

Cheesy grins. Camping gear packed in the background. I always thought of this photo as a homeschooling photo but it was in the public school photo album. I honestly cannot remember why I asked the kids to make a clay picture. But who cares? It’s great! Just like the cheesy grins.

Here’s a classic: Levi on his first BMX bike in the Molalla 4th of July Parade. Arwen carried the banner. Cub Scouts. We got free tickets to the Buckaroo: we all love to rodeo. RODEO!

A homeschool diorama of some Native American something. Love the use of Thundereggs and other rocks, moss, lichens and aluminum foil. I’m pretty certain it was all Levi.

Digging for petrified wood on USFS land. I took the photo and then hiked back to our camp by myself while Don & the kids dug up rocks. I’m pretty certain we still have bits of the petrified wood in our possession (it wasn’t much).

The USS Missouri on her last voyage back to Hawaii. Don & Levi went with a friend & his two sons from Cub Scouts. This is a bittersweet photo as the friend later died as a young father of throat cancer. But the boys sure had fun that day.

Looking down from the balloon as Levi and friend Mary clean up the launch site of Miray’s hot air balloon.

Miray’s – the hot air balloon that Levi crewed on for years.

This photo never ceases to amuse me. I was taking a group from my church on a hike up to see Eagle Creek falls in the Columbia River Gorge when we met – of all people – my next door neighbor and his two boys! Keith, Darrell & Daniel coming down while we went up.

The kids who were hiking up the trail that day in 1993: Levi, Harmony, Arwen, Nathaniel & Josiah. So hard to believe all of those kids are graduated from high school now…

In fishing, it is all about “holding your mouth right” – I don’t care what bait you use, if you don’t hole your moth right, you don’t fill your stringer. Levi learned at an early age how to hold his mouth right. He even out-fished his father a time or two.

Probably the most un-PC photo I could have located. Levi at the firing range after passing Hunter’s Safety at the top of the class. he was younger than all of the rest of the students but a whole lot more engaged on ballistics and the mechanics of weapons. He was also a darn good shot. Notice his hands aren’t even close to the trigger because it isn’t his turn to aim and fire. But he’s ready.

Ah, memories… 🙂

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A Duck Story

On the 14th of July last year, I posted about some orphan ducklings here.

I don’t remember if I kept you abreast of the entire saga. The three surviving ducklings lasted less than a week. Then there were two and the pair lasted a few days more. And then there was one. And one raised herself.

She stayed in the same pond for weeks, hiding in the brush and swimming by herself.

We didn’t know if she was a “she” or a “he” for the longest time. Mallards don’t begin to change until long after they get their pin-feathers. The drakes don’t have their full irridescent green heads until their second summer.

Even after she got her pin feathers and began to look more like a mallard, she stayed in the one pond. She didn’t seek out the company of the geese that occasionally came to her pond, or even that of other ducks. She was a content little orphan, growing bigger every week.

Then one day, she braved the traffic that had killed her mother and waddled across the wide road to one of the other ponds.

She stayed stand-offish with the other ducks.

I don’t think she knew she was a duck.

Her mother died when she was hours old. Her siblings died before she was two weeks old. She raised herself. What did she know of being a duck except for the instincts that kept her alive all those nights and days?

One day it happened. She joined the other ducks. We could no longer tell which hen she was.

She flew away with the other ducks.

I don’t know if my walking partner named the duckling (well, she called it “our ducky”) but I did. Secretly.

I think she had a lot more than luck going her way, so Lucky wasn’t a good name for her. She had wonderful instincts that kept her safe. She stayed in one place until she was large enough to take care of herself and fly.

I named her “Hope”.

She gave me hope that somehow, things just plain work out despite all the setbacks in life. Not that ducks complain. I don’t even think she felt sorrow in the way that humans do. A momentary loss when her mother and siblings were gone, but there was the business of survival at hand. If she were a human, she might have considered giving up. But that wasn’t a duck option.

No, the only option she had was to survive. And she did it well.

We like to think one of the hens in every group of ducks that comes around is our little duckling grown up.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere. 🙂

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