Jaci Dawn

There is an “atmospheric river” pouring over the Pacific Northwest right now. They used to call it a “Pineapple Express” denoting the warmer air carried with the rain and winds, but nowadays it is simply an “atmospheric river”. It makes no sense to me to change the name of the phenomenon but there you go. It is what it is. Two to three days of unseasonally warm rain, in torrents.

We are treading water. Ruger provides comic relief, but he is just a puppy.

We have interacted with actual human beings. A friend who lost her home and all of her possessions in the fires of 2020 Came to visit with her grandson. He was dressed in a dragon costume. Levi had a dragon costume. He ravaged his sister’s My Little Pony Castle dressed as a dragon and razed it to the ground. He was a two-year kid terror.

We met with friends and had beers at an outdoor venue we love. Ruger came, of course. He was mostly well-behaved on the leash.

My desk is littered with To Do lists which I am slowly checking off. Thank you notes are on there, but I am not certain when I will actually begin writing them.

Levi’s Military Honors is in less than two weeks. Another flight to Florida and another flight home. The flights are the worst. Half the people in airports believe in COVID-19. Half simply wear their masks under their nose until someone points out their error. If that happens at all. American Airlines doesn’t socially distance fliers, although I have heard that Delta and Alaska do.

We will have to isolate for two weeks again when we return home.

Third Battalion, Seventh Special Forces Group (Airborne) has taken great care of us. They have reached out to Levi’s older sister. They have wrapped Levi’s widow in their collective arms. We are blessed he was part of such a special unit in the United States Army. Here is no need unnoticed or not taken care of.

Grief continues to wash over us unexpectedly. How can someone so hale and full of his future be gone within a matter of hours? The homeschool e-group I have been a part of for over 20 years is grieving. It is hard to put a name to this tragedy.

Don and I are binging on stupid horror/satire flicks. B-movies. Anything that makes us laugh. I am procrastinating watching all of the available Star Wars franchise: Levi idolized Boba Fett.

The loss of a child is truly a deeper loss than the loss of a sibling, and I still mourn my sister every day. She died of a bizarre disease: Necrotizing fasciitis. Ironic that Levi should succumb to a bizarre autoimmune disease: secondary HLH. My heart is torn for our daughter who lost a sibling and feels tenderness toward her brother’s children. I know this well.

And Levi’s widow. Damn. A man leaves his parents to join with his wife and a woman leaves her family to join with a man. That is the strongest bond of all. So many decisions were handed to me and I deferred them to his widow. What a burden for a 38 year old woman to have to bear. It’s unfair. Damn.

So – we fly out the week o the 20^th. Spend a few days in Florida. Watch the Military Honors – participate, even. Cry some more. Drink a lot more. He was a f’ing hero. He was something else. He was compassionate. He loved dogs and children. He loved his wife who is now his widow.

And his ex-wife is refusing to allow his children to attend the service. Yeah, there’s that detail. I have no words for that. The judge who granted the divorce gave Levi custody. That’s all you should know. Keep those babies in you hearts and prayers. There are three of them. That is all I will tell you.

I may post again before the 22^nd. I may not. I am laying my son to rest.