Posts Tagged ‘guinea pigs’

A few days ago, my oldest daughter posted a darling photo of her husband and the three little boys peering under their Christmas tree. (Yes, they have their tree up before Thanksgiving.)

They were trying to coax Roxy, the guinea pig, out from under the tree.

Roxy was under the tree having a conversation with God.

The conversation probably went something like this:

“Roxy. Roxy!”

“Who are you? You aren’t one of those Big People out there, are you?”

“No, Roxy. I Am the God of Guinea Pigs. I need to talk to you.”

Roxy faints. But she wakes up quickly because she is a prey animal and she is afraid one of those grubby-handed little boys is going to get ahold of her.

“What do you want?”

“You are going to have a baby, Roxy.”

“One baby? because, you know, Guinea pigs usually have a litter.”

“Two babies, Roxy.”

“Oh, good. Wait. How will I have babies? I live in a cage, alone. The only other four-legged creature is a Chinese Water Dragon named Starbucks.”

“Trust me, Roxy. Two babies. Jake and Esau.”

“Wait. I know I am knew to this whole thing, but wasn’t the baby’s name Jesus? And weren’t Jacob and Esau, like, warring brothers?”

“Oh. Yes. Got sidetracked. Jake and Elwood. Your babies will be Jake and Elwood.”

“The Blues Brothers?”

“Yes. I mean, NO. The Guinea Pig Twins.”

“What if one is a female?”

“That will be Elwood.”

“What if both are girls?”

“What? Jake can’t be feminine? Do NOT question God, Roxy. Two babies. Jake and Elwood. Got it?”

“OK, OK. Jake and Elwood. Are You going to tell my People?”

“I will send them a Prophet(ess). Trust me, Roxy.”

“Oh, I trust You. I don’t trust Eli, Javan and Zephaniah. Wasn’t Zephaniah a minor prophet?”

“Yes. And Samuel was a High Priest. And Arwen was half-elven. Why do you ask?”

“Um…. Nothing. No reason. This prophet(ess) wouldn’t be Elrond or Galadriel would it?”

“No. It’s Gamma. Trust me.”

“Gamma? The one who has blow-up Martians named Jake and Elwood? Am I on Guinea Pig Candid Camera? Hey, all I am trying to do here is Occupy the Christmas Tree, you know? And I get a Voice that tells me I am going to have twins and …”

“Roxy. It is time to abandon the Occupy movement. Mayor Sam Adams is sending in the Riot Police. Just have your babies. And take care of them.”

OK, the conversation probably didn’t go quite like that. But Roxy, single guinea pig, gave birth to illegitimate twins this morning. She doesn’t have an excuse unless it was Immaculate Conception.

I hope my daughter is using this as a Teachable Moment for her little boys.

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