Jaci Dawn

It was Sunday and we sat, sweltering, under the canopy in our yard. My dearest love asked me if I’d like to go out for dinner. It would be an early anniversary celebration. But the thought of actually having to dress decently to be out in public didn’t sound too enticing, so I turned him down. Maybe next weekend, when it’s not so hot and fewer people are seeking refuge from the heat inside of a restaurant, I told him.

Then I turned to him and said, “I didn’t even buy you a card.”

“We’re even, because I didn’t buy you one, either.” Pause. “And we were in the card section at the store today.”

“Yes,” said I, “We could have just opened anniversary cards and shown them to each other, and then put them back on the shelf.”

“How romantic! ‘Sorry it isn’t signed, dear, but someone may want to buy this card now.'” We laughed.

Today was/is the Big Day. Thirty-six years of (almost) wedded bliss.

Here is what wedded bliss looks like after 36 years: I got home from work and he seemed slightly subdued.

“You didn’t read my Facebook post?”

“Um, no – I was at work. And you never post on Facebook. Why?”

“Oh. Well. Um. The toilet seat broke.”

I sighed. I’d have to change into something suitable for a trip to Home Depot rather than a simple sundress to lounge in.

“I thought we could go out to dinner since we’re already going to be out,” he added.

I think I realized then that he was wearing his dressy casual clothes. I decided to leave my work clothes on, and off we went: first to Home Depot, and then on to Olive Garden.

We found toilet seats with the help of a Home Depot salesman who asked the important questions: “Do you want plastic or wood?”

I scanned the array before us and muttered, “He probably didn’t write the color down: ecru, egg shell, bone, or…?”

We chose white and wood. On our way to the car, I told him, “Those Americans! They have too many choices in toilet seats!”

Dinner was a quiet affair with a cheery wait person who got a nice tip. She even bagged my left overs for me.

On the way back to the car, I leaned in toward Don and said, “That was nice and romantic. Want to stop at the grocery store and read anniversary cards to each other?”

Happy Anniversary to us!

The original Facebook post from my husband: “An event occurred this morning when I was taken care of morning business when all of sudden I felt the toilet seat drop. Was this the “Big One” the media has been warning us about. No, just a TSF (toilet seat fail) for it cracked in half, or an engineered obsolescence built in to keep those toilet seat manufacturers churning out more items for your backside. Nothing says Happy Anniversary like having to go to Home Depot and look for a new toilet seat on your way to a restaurant to celebrate 36 years of marriage. Cheers!”