Jaci Dawn

I have a coworker whose oldest son is considering enlistment in the Marine Corps. I understand her angst; what I do not understand is her reluctance to release control of the issue to her child. He’s 18.

My son was 17 when he approached us about enlisting in the Army. His cousin was a Marine. Both of his grandfathers served in the Army. My husband and I are pacifists, and I am a Conscientious Objector. We came of age during the Viet Nam era. Our son came of age shortly after 9/11.

I did the only thing I have ever done when one of my children faced a life question: I prayed about it. There was only ONE opinion I wanted, and that opinion was not of this earthly plane. I agree that sometimes, we have to ask people on this plane what they think in order to decipher what God wants, but usually God just straight talks to me (at least in areas where my kids are concerned – He’s a lot more vague about my own life questions). God did not fail me.

The Enlisting Officer came to our house with his milque-toast hand shake and I told him, point blank, what my objections were. I continued. “This is not *my* decision. Levi is 17. In older times, that was more than old enough to be a man. He will be 18 by the end of this year, and even if I say ‘no’ now, he can overrule my ‘no’ on his birthday. If this is what he wants, then this is what I want for him.”

My husband concurred.

My coworker keeps asking people what their opinion is. It has been weeks, for God’s sake. The kid in question is already 18. CUT THE FRICKIN’ APRON STRINGS!

I get that she’s concerned about her son’s future. She wants the best for him. She wants him to make the right choices. To be safe. To lead his own life.

Stop.

Does she really want him to lead his own life???

No. She does not. She’s still controlling every aspect of his decisions, withholding her permission until it suits her.

The conversation came up again today. She asked someone else in the office what they thought. I had to bite my tongue and sit on my hands while I listened to the answers that were given her. This person gave her everything she wanted to hear, and none of the hard stuff, like: it’s your son’s life. Let him go!

That’s the hard stuff to say. Your child will make mistakes. Your child will fall. There may be a DUII in his or her future. She may hook up with a guy who hits her. He may enlist in the Marine Corps and be dishonorably discharged. He may die by enemy fire. She may go into missions in a foreign country and it may all go south.

The easy answer is what the mother wants to hear. How she should not allow her son to enlist.

“He wants to serve his country? What did his country ever do for him?”

(I wanted to get out of my chair and punch the speaker out. And I am a pacifist. Bloody Hell. What has MY country done for MY son? Let’s talk the frickin’ Constitution, OK? The First Amendment (which gives said person the RIGHT to say what he thinks without me bopping him)?)

It got worse. I was busy with my work things when I overheard the very public phone call Mr. Right made to Mrs. Concerned’s Voice Mail.

“I have one other objection to your son enlisting, to help you. When (my S.O.’s) sons were serving overseas in Afghanistan, she didn’t sleep for three years. That’s how long they were over there. And even after they returned to US soil, she still couldn’t sleep at night. Over three years of sleep deprivation…”

O.M.G.

Someone stop me. I was furious. I sat on my hands and bit my lips. Does this person really think that was the worst time of her life or her son’s lives? Would she like a look into MY life??

I have been through things with my kids – not just my soldier – that make those three years “without sleep” pale by comparison. Life choices, abusive boyfriends, car accidents, bad life choices, divorce. Give me a frickin’ break.

Enlisting in the military has been the least of my concerns over the years.

This is advice from a mother of three and a grandmother of 9: LET YOUR KIDS GO.

This woman is worrying about her son enlisting in the Marine Corps? I have a child who had a much-less stellar debut on the job market (I am not free to post that job description online lest I embarrass said child), One child was in a terrible accident. One child had a DUII. Yet another is in the middle of a very nasty divorce. One had a S.O. smack her.

Tell me again, what your objection is to your child serving his – or her -country is?

ISIS?

Or having to place a flag on the casket?

What about other things that can happen to a non-military child? What about an individual child’s hopes and dreams?

My soldier was the “least likely” to survive Basic Training. Those few times I got to speak to him during that time in his life, I often asked him: “So – how many push-ups did you have to do?”

He’s laugh, because he knew I was inferring his rebellion against authority. “Not push-ups, Mom. Laps. I do a LOT of laps.”

Here’s my advice to mothers whose children – male or female – are about to launch from the nest, and those children are considering the military:

Is it any worse than pole dancing? Because if it is not worse than pole dancing, let them go. And, hey, if it is pole dancing… let them go, anyway. It’s not YOUR decision, Mom. It’s theirs. You just have the privilege of praying for them. Accept your responsibility and love them, no matter what.

Always love your kids.

Fuck what others think. Sorry for the French. Apologies to God.

P.S. – God – You just listened in on that phone conversation. Help my kid.