Jaci Dawn

June 7, 1980 to June 7, 2011.

I had a rough day yesterday. I understand it is simply a process of grieving and I will have more days like yesterday than I care to contemplate.

It was our 31st Wedding Anniversary and I should have had a wonderful day. But I kept remembering the man who walked me down the “aisle” (figuratively speaking as it was an outdoor wedding with no aisle or formal seating). I can still remember the papery touch of the skin on his hands and the frail feel of his stooped shoulders as age wore him down.

It bothered me a lot that I cannot remember the feel of my mother’s skin, but I do remember the feel of my little sister’s as I braided her hair one day after Mom died.

I remember my mom’s eyes under the influence of morphine as she tried to tell us all good-bye and that she loved us (she could no longer speak or hold a pen to write).

Those kinds of thoughts haunted me all day yesterday.

But evening finally came. Don took me out to our favorite little pub, The Highland Stillhouse. Of course, I then sat and thought about how often I dreamed of taking my dad down to the Stillhouse when he next came to visit: he would have loved the pub! And they played a string of Celtic bands: Dad’s favorite music was Celtic (although he leaned more to The Clancy Brothers, Tommy Makkem, and Noel McLoughlin).

I had the Prawns with gruyere cheese and mushrooms. Don had steak (medium rare), glazed carrots and French Fries. Rather, he was supposed to have the fries: the cook made an error and gave him mashed potatoes.

He pointed out the error nicely and within minutes we had a side of fries presented to us by the cook, personally.

We ordered ale but the ale we wanted ran out: they gave us half a pint for free because that was all there was of that ale.

We had a delicious dinner, quiet conversation and superb service (as always). The service is one of the reasons we like the Stillhouse so much: but they also offer live music on Sundays and Thursdays.

After dinner, we settled down for a short “Jesse Stone” movie (Tom Selleck) together.

Sometime during the evening, I quit thinking about the people I’ve lost and moved back into the present with the people I still have and love. That’s the way of grief.

Here’s to many more years of marriage: sláinte!