Jaci Dawn

“As if” a kidney stone was good news, right?

No, silly – that is not a kidney stone! That’s a little bead next to a tape measure and a penny for comparison. But the bead is about the size of said kidney stone: 5mm.

I’m irked and relieved.

Irked, you say? How could I be irked? It’s not freaking cancer, for crying out loud! And you would be right (little happy dance behind the scenes). I’m just irked that I spent three and a half months in limbo land bouncing between “No, it can’t be a kidney stone” and “It might be a kidney stone” to “The kidney stone is most likely not the cause” and, finally, to “The kidney stone is the only thing we can find so it must be the cause.”

But being irked is a minor thing. I am quietly (because I really don’t jump up and down and squeal when I am excited) relieved and happy.

At least I am happy until that little puppy decides to slip a little and I finally get to feel its presence. Then I won’t be happy.

But until then, I have all the reason in the world to be in bliss.

How did we arrive at this diagnosis? Well, today was the last ditch test to find out why I am peeing blood: the doctor actually looked inside my bladder with a little camera. He was looking for lesions, cancerous growths, anything that would produce the almost-visible-to-the-naked-eye blood. Before today’s procedure, I had my internal organs scanned in a C-T Scan and scanned again with an ultrasound machine.

All those tests proved was that I have polyps in my gallbladder (not a probable cause of bleeding but something to check on again in 12 months) and I have a 5mm kidney stone high up in my kidney. It’s a smooth round stone. I saw it on the ultrasound.

I am a very healthy woman with a bizarre issue that can only be traced back to that irksome kidney stone.

While we’re all doing our virtual happy dance, there’s the future to consider: do I ask the doctor to blast the kidney stone out now? Or do I take a wait-and-see attitude with a follow-up x-ray in 6 months? If I start bleeding more or I suddenly have pain (as in the kidney stone moves), I could call & have the doctor blast it out as an emergency procedure.

I’m leaning toward the wait-and-see. It’s just an x-ray (they can see kidney stones on x-rays because they’re made up of calcium) and I will have time to build up my sick time (which I have exhausted). The dust will have settled from all the current insurance claims. I’ll have some pennies saved.

God always has a plan. Over the past week as the time for today’s cystoscopy appointment drew near, God quickened my heart and reminded me of several passages in the Bible that I could apply to my emotions. From the first chapter of the book of Joshua (“Be strong and courageous” – God says that several times to encourage Joshua in what he is about to face as a major trial) to several of the Psalms (27, 23, 25, 149 – just off the top of my head) and on into Matthew 6 (Don’t worry about tomorrow because you can’t change tomorrow. Deal with today), little reminders of His provision popped into my head.

I never really doubted that God was walking by my side through this whole (stupid cry wolf) scary time. Nor have I doubted my friendships: I have wonderful friends & family!! I did doubt my body, but bodies have a way of failing us.

I hope no one thinks I cried wolf to get people to feel sorry for me. Not on your life: I’d rather you made me laugh and I want to make you smile in return! So smile! SMILE!

Breathe deep, live fully, laugh hard, love with all your might – and keep on planting trees.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” – Martin Luther