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Archive for December, 2023

2024 – What Are Your Plans?

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on December 31, 2023| 1 Comment »

 In a few hours (here in the Pacific Northwest) it will be a new year. What are your Apocalypse plans?

We watched the Obama’s movie, “Leave the World Behind”. It stars Julia Roberts and is streaming on Netflix. It leaves you hanging at the end, which is very disappointing. What happens after New York City implodes? Do the families decide they can overcome race issues? Do they have the skills to survive in a new world? Why are they leaving us hanging?

I downloaded J.K. Franks’ Apocalypse series (there are four: three in the series and a stand-alone that ties into the others). Book #1 “Downward Cycle” is scary. The next three have a bit too much luck in the survival game, rather like “Zombieland” (with Woody Harrelson and highly recommended for the survivalist). No, wait: Franks’ books become almost as believable as John Cusack and his family out-running the earthquakes in L.A. and ending up in Yellowstone in the apocalypse movie “2012”.

I don’t want to give away any spoilers because I thoroughly enjoyed Franks’ books (and I recommend them to the next generation survivor), but sometimes help is a little too convenient.

Enter the current book I am reading “Post-Apocalyptic Nomadic Warriors” by Benjamin Wallace. It’s a farcical tale that draws a lot on the “Mad Max” movie series (starring Mel Gibson and Tina Turner).

Serious question: What are YOUR Apocalypse plans? Do you have any? What about Zombie apocalypse (less likely to happen because zombies are really a voodoo thing and don’t eat brains: they just haunt people who are cursed. People who are cursed by whoever raised the zombie from the dead, like some voodoo doctor).

Do you have a “bug-out bag”? What is in it? Do you have a place to land that is hidden, remote, and unlikely to be overrun by gangs of heathens when the world collapses? What about transportation in case of an EMP or a CME (Coronal Mass Ejection or solar flare)? Stockpiles of foods, preferable purchased from one of the many survivalist groups who advertise liberally on Facebook?

DO YOU HAVE A PLAN?

I used to have a plan in case of a Zombie Apocalypse: I would move in with my youngest. She disowned me sometime in the past six years, so I don’t really have that option. I do know you need a shovel, a machete, and a ladder: you can cut zombie’s head off and they lose all sense of smell and direction and you need the ladder to help you get onto the roof of your house because zombies can’t climb (until you watch “World War Z” and they just pile the bodies up until they can ascend to the top of the walls and fall over into the compound, ready to eat brains). I am woefully behind on zombie survival skills.

In the event of a CME or EMP, what are you gonna do? Banks won’t be able to dispense money. Money will be worthless. Food will be necessary, and clean water. Will you be able to trust the government? Will guns help you survive the threat of marauders and scavengers? What about ammo? Can you trust your neighbors? Can you drive a car with a standard transmission?

Can you trust the deer to warn you (as in the movie “Leave the World Behind”?)

How far away is your bug-out shelter? Is it really that remote that no one will think to look for you there? Or maybe you can hide under a silo like “Love and Monsters” where the hero travels above ground to find his high school sweetheart after the nuclear apocalypse? (Spoiler:Dylan O’Brien survives and befriends a dog).

For me, however, the biggest question is this: how old are you? What’s your health like? Are you on maintenance meds? Are you a member of a particular circle of people who might have enough survival skills to start a new society?

A friend of mine brought this up when we were camping this past summer: her genre happens to include people involved in Renaissance Faires. The Society of Creative Anachronism and other groups that aspire to the days of the past: black powder groups, rendezvous groups, and Ren Faire groups. Of course, they would have many of the skills to survive in a non-tech world. That’s what they have been play-acting at for the past few decades. The issue would be this: where do you fit into their structure?

I have herbal knowledge, although it is small. Edible plants and a few edible mushrooms. I have enough books to help guide us through any questions (but no way to transport my books). My husband is a hunter. My friend is a seamstress. Those are necessary skills, but they fall behind the basic skill of surviving marauding murderers and desperate scavengers. We’d have to rely on the swords-people and the black powder survivalists.

The truth is this: I am 67. I need certain medicines to survive longer than a few months. I can cook from scratch, drive a stick shift, handle a firearm, and hide in the woods. But the cold seeps into my bones and makes the joints ache. I have camped much of my life without potable water, ice, and a place to take a dump. I can sleep on the ground. But I am 67 years old.

The cars we own will be disabled. We might be able to rig up a radio. We have a store of food. Our children live far away. I’m an artist, a bird-watcher, and a gardener. My husband has heart issues. Were we younger, we could hike for miles and miles. But we’re not younger.

The reality is this: we would be a burden on society and the future. If mankind isn’t headed into a total extinction event, we would not be the people you would want to pin the future on. We would be the decoys.  

I have my post apocalypse plans. I won’t tell you what they are. But I really want to know what yours are? No need to tell me where you will bug-out to, just tell me what is in your survival arsenal? What advice would you give to those who survive (and are much younger than I am)? Do you have a shovel ready to swipe the head off of an attacking zombie?

These are important questions for 2024.

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Bathroom Remodel

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on December 1, 2023| 1 Comment »

Oy. Vey. Two Yiddish words my mother used. She was not Yiddish, they were simply words that fit a situation. Oy. Vey. “Woe is me”, more or less. “Oh, dear.”

I think I got tired of waiting for the “big bathroom remodel”. This would be The Year. I had gathered my intelligence (not much of it, to be honest) and had a game plan. I could blame this on my son-in-law, but it really doesn’t come close to being his fault.

A couple of years ago, we invited a remodel company into our kitchen to discuss our plans for the bathroom in our 1930’s bungalow.  The linoleum was curling, and the shower stall was growing mildew along the caulking. Two kids barely out of high school showed up. Kids with no idea of history, property values, or practicality. They quoted us an exorbitant price that included a shower curtain for a shower stall on a linoleum floor AND the deal had to include a roof for our 1930’s garage or it was “too small” for the company. $23,000. They did not see the cast iron clawfoot bathtub as an asset, so did not include any plan for it.

That’s when I turned to my son-in-law. He’s a commercial plumber in Alaska and hates residential plumbing. Also, we don’t live anywhere near Alaska, so he was completely off the hook for doing the job to impress his in-laws. I wouldn’t do that to him, anyway. I just wanted some advice. He suggested we just go with Home Depot as they had arranged our kitchen update, and we were pleased with that. Also, we have credit with Home Depot.

I made my husband stop at the remodel desk at our local Home Depot to make an appointment for a quote for our bathroom. They did an amazing job lining up the work for our kitchen, could they repeat that small miracle? Well… They did get us lined up with a bathroom remodel company that gave us the best quote, also ignoring the clawfoot bathtub. Oh, and removing the tub, the toilet, and the pedestal sink for the flooring was going to cost us $1,000 per item if we didn’t do it ourselves. We assured them we could move all three on our own before installation, the tub being the biggest question mark. But, to save $1,000 – we would find a way.

Don’s friend helped him roll the tub onto a dolly and we rolled the tub into the kitchen and under the kitchen table. It just fit. It was also a lot lighter than some cast iron tubs: I once watched six men carry a similar tub out of a house during a remodel. This one took just the two and me as guide.

The shower and floor replacement went fairly smoothly. I hid upstairs and left my husband to supervise. The remodel company sold us on the idea that the nasty linoleum would be ripped up and sub-flooring looked at. NOPE. The new flooring was laid on top of the old linoleum. Who knows what lies under that, but at least it doesn’t squeak anymore when you walk on it. The new shower and floor look amazing. Some minor issues with the contractor and employee, not enough to complain about. We should have complained but that’s not my husband’s style and I am trying to be a nicer person. Really.

The new flooring on top of the old flooring raised the floor level up by 1/2 “ to 3/4” Which changed the plumbing for the pedestal sink and the bathtub drain. Not that we were ever in love with that pedestal sink. On the contrary, that was one thing we had hoped to get rid of in this update, but which wasn’t in the budget. Ha-ha-ha: it was now in the budget because my husband could not get the plumbing to work for the sink now. (The pedestal sink is destined to a new life in my yard as a bird bath and an in-ground planter. I may or may not leave the faucets attached.)

My husband started the search for the perfect vanity. He also decided we could not put the old medicine cabinet back up because the mirror was wearing out in front, and we had come this far in the update-now-remodel. Hours were spent perusing different sites and debating the pros and cons of certain vanities and medicine cabinets. Then, we had to agree on a new faucet set that fit the new vanity and fit under the new medicine cabinet.

Things needed to be painted to match the new vanity. The wall behind the old pedestal sink begged for a paint job (my daughter messaged me and said, “What?! Dad’s LETTING you paint a wall in the house?!” Yes, Virginia: not all the walls in our house are doomed to be primer white.) Finding that perfect color that matched the new floor and contrasted with the mint green vanity, though. And painting the underside of the bathtub while it rests on the dolly under the kitchen table.

We looked into refinishing the tub but that was cost prohibitive, and the poor tub will go back into the room chipped and stained. I researched the cost: average price over all vs. average price in the Portland metro area = vast difference. Also, finding someone who actually does that sort of work. The only thing that poor tub got was a nice outside paint job and getting to share Thanksgiving dinner with us (previous post).

This adventure started in October when the work began. It is now the first of December. Don has spent days on his back, attaching plumbing parts to the new vanity and faucet. Countless trips to Home Depot and Lowes have been undertaken. Websites have been perused and orders made online. Don has invented new swear words. Everything is in place except the bathtub and the hoses to the faucet plumbing. Tomorrow we will test out Don’s plumbing skills and turn the water on to the faucets.  We’ll wheel the tub back into place but won’t plumb it until the weather warms back up and Don can squeeze into the crawl space to push the drain pipe up by ¾ of an inch to make up for the additional flooring.

We still have the stupid particle board the previous owners used as windowsill wood. In a bathroom. Where it gets wet. And the particle board swells. Don’t even start us. Particle board is an invention from hell.

Ruger thinks he should get some of the credit. He got mint green paint in his beard after I painted the small cupboard for the bathroom. He also “helped” Don do some of the plumbing. He stood over Don with a stuffed toy in his mouth and tail wagging: “Oh, you’re on the floor! Must be Game Time!”

“Jaci! Would you get the dog out of my face?” (pic for cuteness)

(If the faucets or sink leak tomorrow, there may be an addendum to this post. But I think we’re in the clear. For now.)

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